Come What May?
by momoko775PennilessPoetess
Summary: (FINISHED!!!) Satine and Christian try to hold together their everlasting-love relationship over the strains of life. But Satine has a secret... she's pregnant, but the question is... who is the father? Anger, betrayal, but above all things... love.
1. I Have Lost It All

Warm, so warm. Oh God, how can it be so warm so suddenly in the midst of winter? I don't care that the room is a bit messy or there is a hole in the ceiling, but this is the gateway to heaven. So warm and so good in this room – Christian's room.  
  
I sigh. It's only been yesterday since Christian left, and I miss him already. I had thought his family had disowned him for coming to Montmarte, and suddenly they sent him a telegram that there was some 'family business' and he needed to come right away. I bet they were just trying to get him away from the underworld. If only someone could take me away from it.  
  
I'm already one of Satin's devils, but Christian… Christian was different. He was so pure, so sweet. He didn't belong here - no angel did. They were to soar into the sky, not burn in the eternal flames of hell.  
  
But we'll be an exception. We'll be saved. We will fly away from this place. 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' is a great show, and soon everyone in the world will know of my Christian's talents. He'll be a famous English writer, I know it. And I'll finally be a real actress. But the Duke…  
  
His rodent-like face comes to my mind and I shiver, every inch of my skin turning cold. He fit no where in the picture. He was like a leech that wouldn't get off, no matter what you did to it. Except, with this leech, I had…  
  
A tear fell from my eye. How could I have done it? How could I have done that to Christian. He was the only one I had ever loved – hell, I never knew it existed before. My beautiful angel… can you ever forgive me?  
  
~FLASHBACK~  
  
How long had I stared at the train station planks? I couldn't even look at him, or I would start to cry, and never stop. I would fall into his arms and make a scene. I would lose myself all over again.  
  
But he was my air. I couldn't let him go, I couldn't. I see my breath clearly in the winter air, and I close my eyes, trying to get myself together. I can't let him see me falling apart like this.  
  
His hand, so warm, is on my chin and he makes me look at him. I searching in his blue eyes for words and I say what comes to my head.  
  
"I don't want you to go."  
  
He surpressed a light laugh, caressing my cheek. "I don't want to go either."  
  
"Then why do you have to?" I ask, putting my hands on his waist.  
  
He smiles – God, I love it when he does that. "It's only a week. I'll be there and back in no time. Nothing will happen while I'm away."  
  
I bite my lip. Liar, I think. Because he's going away, Zidler ceased rehearsals. Now that I have nothing to do during the day, I'll have to spend my time with the Duke. "I know," I say, "but…"  
  
He silences me with a kiss, long and soft, and my chin quivers when he lifts his head. "I love you," he whispered, brushing one of my curls away from my face. "No matter what, I always will."  
  
"But, the Duke…" I start to say, but he kisses me again.  
  
"Don't say his name. He's not here – it's just you and me, forever. Alright?"  
  
I nod, closing my eyes.  
  
He kisses my forehead, and his fingers lightly scratch my dress where my heart is, and he begins to sing quietly, so only I can hear him.  
  
"I'm already there.  
  
Don't make a sound.  
  
I'm the beat in your heart,  
  
I'm the moonlight shining down,  
  
I'm the whisper in the wind,  
  
And I'll be there until the end.  
  
Can you feel the love we share?  
  
Oh I'm all ready there."  
  
"Christian," I whisper, by forehead pressed against his. He kisses the tip of my nose and finishes the song.  
  
"We may be a thousand miles apart,  
  
But I'll be with you wherever you are.  
  
I'm already there,  
  
Take a look around.  
  
I'm the sunshine in your hair,  
  
I'm the shadow on the ground,  
  
I'm the whisper in the wind,  
  
And I'll be there until the end.  
  
Can you feel the love that we share?  
  
Oh I'm already there."  
  
My mouth opens and I'm about to say something, but the train rolls into the station and the conductor calls for the passengers to start to board. A sob suppresses from deep in my throat, and I scold myself as my hands move up Christian's back and I push his lips toward me, kissing him with every thing I possessed, and he does the same. Butterflies that fluttered in my stomach grew in numbers, and soon my whole body tickled. I always got the butterflies when I kissed Christian.  
  
The sound of the train whistle blowing and the conductor barked 'last call!' startled me and I jumped, scowling, mad at the distractions. For a moment there, there was just me and Christian, as it should be. I was in heaven.  
  
"That's me," he whispered, nodding behind him to the train. He traced my jaw line, and act that made me shiver, and I just remembered that it was winter. He was silent for a moment, and then said, "God, I love you."  
  
With one last kiss, so soft and tender, Christian backed away, only taking his eyes off me when he presented his ticket to the conductor. He blew me a kiss, and then he was gone.  
  
My hands flew to my shoulders and rubbed, trying to get myself warm, but it didn't work. It wasn't my skin that was cold – it was my soul. Every day, every smile, every song with Christian he tried to warm my cold heart. Maybe someday it would work, but right now I need him, like nothing else. I slightly laugh at myself. "Love is just an excuse to cover pain, and you die if you lose yourself." That was what I used to believe. I can't believe one person can erase my twenty-one years of thinking.  
  
Oh wait, I can.  
  
Christian… the butterflies flutter wildly in my stomach just thinking of him. He was so different than anyone I had ever known. He had found Satine when I had thought she had died years ago. He loves me. He loves me, not the Sparkling Diamond. Me.  
  
I'm about to turn away and leave the station, but suddenly I hear someone yelling "Satine!" I look all around, already knowing the face of the voice.  
  
And then I see him, on the back of the train. He tips his hat at me and just grins as the train rolls out until I can't see him anymore.  
  
"Christian," I whisper, leaving the station.  
  
There are cabs upon cabs on the sidewalk and I get the one at the front.  
  
"Where to Mademoiselle?" he asks, helping me into the carriage.  
  
"Montmarte," I say.  
  
His hand suddenly flinches on mine. "You sure you wanna be there, Mademoiselle, at this time of night?"  
  
I flash him a smile. "I'll be fine."  
  
The driver takes me back to the only home I had ever known in silence, and after I give him a few francs I go through the gates to the Moulin Rouge.  
  
Maybe a stroll through the gardens would be nice, I think, but then I see my elephant. It's so beautiful behind the full moon. But the lights are on. I thought I had turned them off. Harold will be angry with me for leaving them on.  
  
So, scratch that idea of walking through the gardens. Sleep sounds wonderful as well.  
  
I make my way up the stairs and I pause before the door, a weird feeling creeping over me. Not butterflies, but a sense that something is not right. That nothing will ever be right again. I laugh it off and go through the door, flopping onto the bed, hearing the words "how wonderful life is, now you're in the world" ring through my ears. I hug myself and turn toward the foot of the bed, seeing a person sitting in a chair over there.  
  
I let out a squeal as I fall off the bed. I try to catch my breath, and the nasal laugh that fills my ears gives me my answer to who it is.  
  
"My dear Duke," I say, rising form the floor and brushing myself off, trying to keep my dignity. I laugh at myself. I'm a hooker, for Christ's sake. I have no dignity, and the Diamond smiles her smile. It's no longer Satine in my room, but the devilish Diamond. "I didn't even see you there."  
  
"My darling," he says, rising from the chair and coming to kiss my hand. His moustache across my skin almost makes me rip my hands from his cold fingers. "Where were you? I've waited nearly ten minutes."  
  
Wow, ten whole minutes. I'm surprised you didn't yell and shriek to Harold, I say to myself, but to him I say, "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. But, the… the stars were so beautiful tonight I couldn't help but walk under them and wish under a few shooting ones."  
  
He gags on a laugh. "You don't really believe dreams come true on stars, do you?"  
  
"Of course not," I reply. "It's just some silly childhood imagination of mine, I guess." Bastard. Dreams are all we have to live for here in the underworld. That is, until I met Christian…  
  
A smile brightens my face – a real smile - and I feel my whole body warm, and I don't even care that the Duke is here. I love Christian; I can't hide it from myself anymore. But I have to from him, and I cough lightly, freeing my hand from the Duke.  
  
But it's too late. I see that sparkle in the Duke's eyes that shakes me to my bones. He has to leave. He has to leave now.  
  
"The time is getting late," I say quickly. "I have a lovely idea. Tomorrow, why don't you and I…"  
  
But he silences me with a kiss. His lips cover mine, like he's going to eat me. His moustache scratches my lips and cheeks again and my fingernails digging into my fists is the only thing that keeps me from pulling away and throwing up at the spot. I hate it when he kisses me. My hands have been so sore lately it's hard to hold he swing during performances.  
  
When his hands fly down my back and start to untie my dress, that's when I step away.  
  
"My dear, what's wrong?" he asks, surprised.  
  
You, I want to say. "I'm afraid you take my breath away, Duke. But really, let's…" the Diamond gives him a wink and licks her lips, "finish this tomorrow."  
  
"Satine," he breathes, his nose twitching. "You must know my feelings for you, as I already know yours." He kisses my hand and draws me toward him, kissing my neck and shoulders.  
  
I bite my lip, scowling. Eew. "But dear Duke, opening night…"  
  
He lifts his head, thank goodness. "Pisssh!" he almost yells and went back to doing what he didn't do best.  
  
And then he starts to drag me toward the bed. Oh God… Christian, save me!  
  
"Duke…" I whisper, almost pleading him to stop when I find myself on my back on the mattress. But he hears it as pleasing and he kisses my face as his hands begin to untie my dress. Oh God, oh God, save me!  
  
I see his hands fiddle with the buttons on his pants and a black wad being flung to the ground. Through a numbing cold, I feel my dress being tugged off.  
  
Stop! Stop! I scream.  
  
But you'll be a star. You'll fly far, far away from here, Diamond whispers to me. But I don't care. Dreams are good. This… this is horrible.  
  
God, can you hear me? Save me!  
  
But God didn't save me that night, nor did Christian. The duke's cold hands were upon me all night, and his bushy moustache across my skin maked me sick.  
  
As soon as he was asleep, I crept out of the bed, careful not to wake him just like all my other customers. When they woke up they usually wanted to start 'it' all over again.  
  
Wrapping a robe around me, I hurried out of the elephant. There's fresh snow on the ground, so cold on my feet, but I hardly notice it. I go to the back gardens and brush the snow off a bench a sit.  
  
As I shiver, a flower tickles my foot. They were so beautiful. I remember when Harold bought them all and stuck them in the ground. They were cheaper like this, cloth. Beautiful, fake…  
  
That's how I had been my whole life. I was only worth what someone would pay for me, but Christian… he saw all past that. He loves me. I love him, and I had just betrayed him.  
  
My robe can't keep me warm, the friction from my hands or anything. I feel so low. I hate myself. I had slept with many men in my past, but I never felt like this afterward. Christian…  
  
I don't even care that it's freezing and I have no shoes on. My body was already frozen and my heart icy.  
  
It's hard to breathe. I try to sigh, but a cry comes out instead. "I am falling," I sing quietly to the fake flower. "I am fading. I have lost it all."  
  
Suddenly Christian comes to my mind, and I smile, and then I remember what happened last night. My hands fly to my eyes, tears seeping through my fingers. "You know I don't mean to hurt you," I sing. "But you know that it means so much. And you don't even feel a thing."  
  
I stand, picking up as many fake flowers as I can in my hands and I run to the back entrance, where the large green dumpster is located.  
  
"I am falling, I am fading, I am drowning. Help me to breathe."  
  
I turn the flower in my hand, picking off its petals and flinging it in the dumpster.  
  
My knees buckle and I fall into the snow, tears streaming down my cheeks, and my body shakes with sobs. "I am hurting, I have lost it all…"  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: I do not like the duke. I hate him very, very much. This story WILL get better, I hope, as I go along. And tell me what you think! But you know… no pressure…  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'All Ready There' by Lonestar  
  
'Duvet' by Boa 


	2. December the Fourth

Hours turned into days, and days multiplied into several. Where rehearsals once took up my time, I began to lie to the man I loathed, and said I had to memorize lines for the play. But I didn't. Christian and I read them – or at least started to – every night. All the lines were in my heart.  
  
No longer could I sleep in the elephant. I tried the couch once, huddled with several blankets, but it squished my spine. So, instead, I began sleeping at Christian's. I really didn't need all the blankets on the bed. The butterflies keep me warm all night.  
  
But in the morning… that's a different story. I almost have to slide to the floor and crawl, I'm so dizzy. And my stomach feels like it's empty. And then I begin to cough, and something in my throat begins to crawl up and burns my inside before I throw up. I feel so sick, I should go see the doctor. But Zidler has all my money, and I don't want to worry him or anyone else. I can't leave the play now, if it is that serious. No one must know, Satine. The show must go on.  
  
But it's getting worse now. As I was getting out of the bath, another dizzy spell came over me and I fell, hitting the back of my head on the iron tub. Nini found me, I was told, and they took me to my room, and laid me in my bed. When I woke up and saw where I was, I screamed.  
  
After an hour's screaming and complaining that "I can't stay here!" they moved me into Marie's room. She watched over me all night, just like a good mother. Marie was always looking out for me. She said I reminded her of herself years ago. We were both born in the underworld, both the reincarnation of the devil herself – Diamond.  
  
Marie told me a story, and I suppose I fell asleep during it. A maiden in a tower… a handsome knight…  
  
I smoothed my cream-white dress and looked over my shoulder, a cascading diamond on my forehead moving. I see him there, at the end of a red carpet, and only I can see his face. He's wearing his usual black vest, but a white coat is over it. A bruise is on his cheek, and from the distance I see something flowing down his cheeks.  
  
Our wedding day, perhaps?  
  
I love figuring out dreams. If this is our wedding day, I want to stay. I want to stay here forever, but a cough screams out from my throat and I wake up. I can't even catch my breath as Marie brings over a bowl with a wet cloth. I seize the bowl and throw up what little I had managed to eat last night and fall back onto the bed still coughing.  
  
"Darling…" Marie softly whispers.  
  
But I force her a smile. "I'll be fine. Just one of those bugs."  
  
"Deary, when was your last period?"  
  
What was she talking about? That had nothing to do with being sick… but, oh God… "What's the date today?"  
  
Marie turned her shoulder and looked at the calendar. "December the fourth."  
  
My hand flew to my quivering mouth. "Are… are you sure?"  
  
"Yes, deary."  
  
"Oh God…" I whisper.  
  
She doesn't even need an answer from me for the first question, and she says, "I'll get the doctor."  
  
I grab her arm as she's about to turn away. "But Zidler…"  
  
"I'll only tell him what the tests say."  
  
I nod, and she leaves me alone to collect my thoughts.  
  
What does this all mean? I… I can't even put two and two together. This is bad, I know that, but…  
  
Oh God, a child. But… who's?  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: Alright, I know this chapter is very short, but, well… I'm the writer and, uh… so I made it short! Um… yeah. More will come later. And thank you for the glowing reviews so far.  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
- none - 


	3. I Can Never Tell

This afternoon I went to see Fredrick, the doctor. I had seen him so many times I couldn't even remember. Once every two months we had to go in to see if we were 'clean'. Harold always insisted on hygiene.  
  
Today as I strolled into the doctor's room and hopped onto his table (with great difficulty, my stomach was still upset), I tried to keep my cool.  
  
"Hey doc," I said, I always said that. He got mad at me at first, but now it was like a tradition. "How's the wife and kids?"  
  
"Now Mademoiselle, you know I'm a lonely bachelor," he says softly, answering the question the same way he had for the past five years, when I became a prostitute at age sixteen. But his voice was different this time. It wasn't jesting or witty tone, but a sad one. Like he felt sorry for me.  
  
I can't look at him – I don't want anyone's pity. "Marie… talked to you already, I'm supposing?"  
  
"She did."  
  
I look up at him and smile. "So what do I do?"  
  
The tests he made me do were much different than the 'clean' tests as we like to call them. He asked my questions for a while, and after several I couldn't answer anymore and had to lie down. After all the questions were taken, he made me pee in a cup and sent me on my way.  
  
My stomach was in knots as I walked away from his office. In doc's capable hands and through his many tests he held my future – my death or my salvation.  
  
For a few minutes I tried walking around the streets of Montmartre, but I almost fainted in one of the alleys. Somehow, with the help of building walls for balance, I made my way to Hotel Blanche and up the stairs to Christian's garret and nearly collapsed in his bed.  
  
It took me a moment to catch my breath, but finally I did and realized where I was - Christian's. My heart and soul led me here. Nothing in this world felt better than to just snuggle up in these tattered blankets and lay my head on the pillows, thrice sewn to keep the feathers in. They all smelled like… him. A smell that had no other words but comforting, rejuvenating, heavenly.  
  
"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing," I quietly sing. "Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweet surrender." I smile, remembering every thing about Christian. "I could stay lost in this moment – forever."  
  
The butterflies fly over me and tickle my stomach. "Don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep because I'd miss you baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing."  
  
A smile sweeps over my mouth as I think of mornings, afternoons, nights, rehearsal breaks. "Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating. I'm wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if it's me you're seeing." I loved to watch him sleep. It didn't take a lot to wake him up, though, but I would touch his hair, kiss his cheek, or drape his arms around me lightly, and he would still be off in dream land.  
  
And it's like he's here now, with his warmth over me, and his smell intoxicating me. "I just wanna stay with you in this moment, forever. I just wanna hold you close. Feel your heart so close to mine, and just stay here in this moment, for all the rest… of… time…"  
  
And now I'm in dreamland.  
  
  
  
I just stepped off the train. It's dark, but I don't know how late it is.  
  
God, I miss her.  
  
I've only been gone a week, and all the time in England I wanted to hold her hand, kiss her lips, smell her hair…  
  
I see my face in the glossy glare of the train – hopeless, lost, lovesick… I grin back at my reflection. Yep, this is me. I'm in love. Twenty-three, living on my own in a different country, penniless, and hopelessly in love.  
  
Whoever said 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' was wrong, however. I felt this way when I first saw her, held her in my arms, sang my heart out to her.  
  
I dance out of the train station, not even caring if people look at me like I just escaped from an asylum. They've certainly never been in love if they don't understand. "How wonderful life is, now you're in the world," I belt out, spinning.  
  
I tip my hat to the cab drivers, and the first one to do it back is the driver I take. "Take me to Montmartre, please," I sing, stepping into the cab.  
  
The driver slightly laughs as me, and flicks the reigns.  
  
He drops me off at the 'village of sin' which my father loved to call it. Boy, was he angry when I told him I was coming here. He called it many names, along with 'the gateway to hell', but I don't care now.  
  
"The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful, stops me and steals my breath," I sing, gripping a light post whose bulb has burned out. "Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky, never revealing their depth." I jump down onto the street and fling my arms in the air. "Tell me that we belong together, dress it up with the trappings of love." I do a little jig, heading down the empty streets of Montmartre toward the Moulin Rouge. "I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips, instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above."  
  
I'm about to the gate and I see it – the red windmill. "I'll be your crying shoulder," I whisper. "I'll be love's suicide. I'll be better when I'm older. I'll be the greatest fan of your life."  
  
My hands reach out to touch the iron bars of the gate. They're locked, but that didn't stop me from going in before. But the light in the Elephant is off, and I hear an eerie chime from a clock all the way in London – it's midnight.  
  
She's already asleep, silly lovesick fool.  
  
So I head home, slowly. And I remember how much I love this town. I had to become a part of the Bohemian world, where fantasy was real and I could be anything I wanted. No limits. No laws. Here was where I found the most dangerous temptation of all.  
  
"Come and get me boys." Her voice rang through my head. I remember the first time I saw her, being lowered from the ceiling on a black swing. "The French are glad to die for love," she had sung. And the English would do it to.  
  
She was so sad when I met her. Her smile, forced. But no one noticed it – they were too entranced in her blood-red lips and wondering what she could do for them. I could tell as we danced around the nightclub that she was cold inside, and the words she spoke were shaded with a little drama here and there, like she spoke them so many times before she needed to liven them up a bit. But words or not, I fell in love.  
  
She hated the Moulin Rouge, I know she did. 'One Day I'll Fly Away' was the song I overheard her singing one night, and after that I heard her hum it. One day she will fly away. Her wings will dry off and she'll be free from her chains. One day.  
  
I know how people see it. How hard can it be to escape? I noticed it when I was with my family. Something had changed, but it wasn't them. They wouldn't understand what it was like here – hell, they'd die of shock if they ever came.  
  
It's not as easy as it sees to escape. You can't just leave. The Rouge stays with you forever, like a shadow. To everyone it was whatever you wanted it to be, and it was Satine's hell.  
  
I turn my head and look back at the Moulin Rouge - a dance hall and a bordello. A kingdom of nighttime pleasures where the rich and powerful can to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the underworld. But nothing at the Moulin Rouge was what it seemed. Harold Zidler had a sickness, an unnatural obsession. Zidler overspend wildly on electrification at the Moulin Rouge, driving it to bankruptcy. But Zidler had a plan. He would convert his beloved Moulin Rouge from a dance hall into a theater with his prized possession, Satine, the sparkling Diamond, on stage in a wild, shocking Bohemian spectacular called 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' And that's when I stepped in. Now, all that was needed was an investor.  
  
"The Duke," I snarl.  
  
But, luckily Satine mistook me for him. Yes, the moon and the stars had conspired to bring us together. But the magic of the night had also cast its spell on the unsuspecting Duke.  
  
It made me sick the way he fawned over her. Every look he gave her, every kiss, every touch made me want to kill him. But he could destroy everything - the Duke held the deeds to the Moulin Rouge.  
  
Oh, my Satine, what a time you must have had this week. We would always make excuses why she couldn't spend time with him, and I hope she made it all right this week. All the time in London my heart ached every hour of every day. But only when I'm with her does the pain go away.  
  
I suddenly gasp, realizing a new idea I could write for the play. I entered Hotel Blanche, the hotel I lived at, and bounded up the stairs, not even realizing the door to my room wasn't locked, threw my luggage down and whipped my coat off and sat down at my desk to write on my 'Underwood' typewriter.  
  
I fed a piece of paper into the mouth of it and typed, whispering words. "My heart aches completely every hour of every day. But only when I'm with you does the pain go away. You…"  
  
Something moving in my bed averts my attention, and I see her – Satine, lying in my bed. The blankets are wrapped around her and she's hugging the pillow. Had she been there the whole time?  
  
I rise from my desk and sit beside her, leaning down to smell her hair, drinking it in. Oh God, she smells good. And I kiss her cheek, remarkably warm in the middle of winter. And I touch her perfect, flawless skin - pale, like the tint of the full moon, sad and alone in the sky. God, she's so beautiful.  
  
Her lashes flutter, starting to open, and she lightly moans.  
  
"Hello," I whisper.  
  
  
  
  
  
My face tickles, and I wake up to see a pair of sky blue eyes stare back at me.  
  
"Hello," Christian whispers, his warm hand on my cheek.  
  
The butterflies flutter wildly.  
  
Am I dreaming? Is he really here? I don't care if this is a dream or not, and my hands reach behind his neck and pull him down.  
  
He kissed me, so soft and sweet that tears form in my eyes and fall down my cheeks. I love how he kisses me – I want to vanish inside them. He tore his lips away and kissed and nipped his was down my throat.  
  
I moaned, threading my fingers through his dark hair, butterflies everywhere. I began to unbutton his collar and down his shirt.  
  
His lips kiss mine again and I can no longer see anything. Tears are streaming down my face, but it doesn't bother me. There is just Christian.  
  
My hands glide up his chest and I throw his shirt to the floor as he begins to unbutton my dress, his body pushing me more on the bed.  
  
My back arches, and a small scream catches in my throat.  
  
"What? What is it?" Christian asks, his voice a little breathless. He touches my cheeks, where the little river of tears are. "You're crying. Why?"  
  
No, I can't tell you. I can never tell you. "No…" I whisper, pushing his bare chest off me. "No…"  
  
I slide onto the floor and I can't move for a second. Everything is blurry, even though I brushed the tears away, and the floor is moving. I grip the bedpost to keep me from falling.  
  
Christian fly's to my side and grips my shoulder. "Satine… darling, what's wrong?"  
  
I lift my head and look into his eyes, so concerned, so kind. He would understand if I told him… No!  
  
You can't know. I can never tell you.  
  
  
  
  
  
"No," she whispered, pushing me away. "No."  
  
I don't understand. She almost falls off the bed, crying. What's wrong?  
  
I fly to her side. "Satine, darling, what's wrong?"  
  
Slowly, she looks at me, but she doesn't say anything. Her eyes are so different now. They're filled with tears and so sad, so lost.  
  
"I…" she starts. "I missed you, Christian. But… the Duke. I have to see him soon."  
  
"But darling, it's close to midnight."  
  
She looks down for a second, and then stands. "Oh." Her hand goes to her face, and I see her expression turn sad again as she feels the tears on her face, but tries to hide it with a smile. "I was worried over nothing, I suppose."  
  
It was more than just worry, I want to say, but she's in my arms now. Her hands behind my back aren't as warm as they were before. Slowly, my hands go to her shoulder and I hold her.  
  
"Christian, I've missed you so much," she whispered against my chest.  
  
I can hardly hear her words. My head is bent over hers and I smell her hair again. Flowers found on exotic shores, I always thought it was. I told her that once and she laughed and said 'cigar smoke and stage make up' was more like it.  
  
"God, I missed you." I kiss her hair and she looks up at me and smiles – a real smile. I suppose my worrying was for nothing.  
  
"I love you, Christian. Never leave me again."  
  
My head dips down and my cheek touches hers. "There will never be a reason."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: I was watching my Moulin Rouge DVD disc two and found a bunch of cool lines not used in the movie and so I thought to add them. Oh… I just love that movie. Just the name makes me smile. And I'm so stuck. I don't know the building Christian lives at. L'amour Fou is what's written beside his garret but there's also 'Hotel Meuble' outside his window and 'Chambres A La Journee'. One of my mailing lists that I asked they said it was called Hotel Blanche, so I just put it on. If it's wrong, don't be mad…  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' by Aerosmith  
  
'Your Song' by Elton John (but I prefer Ewan's version SO much better)  
  
'I'll Be' by Edwin McCain (I LOVE him, you might find another song by him later) 


	4. The Verdict

It was cold going home. I thought it would be better when Christian got back. I thought he would kiss all my problems away. I knew Christian knew something was wrong, and he was concerned, but I couldn't tell him. I want him to continue thinking I'm a person, not just another damn hooker.  
  
Last night he had finally told me why he had to leave – his sister had a baby. A boy named David. Christian looked so happy, and I had to fake a coughing attack to hide my tears. A baby.  
  
God, I'll do whatever you want me to do! Just don't have me with child!  
  
I wanted to be good girl. All my life I wanted to be good. I did want to settle down - get married, have children, watch them leave home and grow old with my husband. I'll get out of this hell and live a normal life.  
  
I look back at Christian's apartment. I had slipped out while he was sleeping. I had mastered it, and knew the spot to touch that made his arm lift. I had escaped from his warm hold to make him breakfast many times, but know I escaped from him.  
  
I loved him so much, wanted him so bad. But I couldn't make love with him.  
  
Make love. Yes, that's what Christian and I did. But with the Duke… I shivered. That was just sex. So meaningless, just one night.  
  
My hand reaches out and numbly holds the gate to the Moulin Rouge. "One day, I'll fly away," I sing, shaking my head. "Why live life from dream to dream, and dread the day when dreaming ends."  
  
This is your life, Satine. You have to survive.  
  
"Shut up, Diamond," I whisper under my breath and push the gate open. And I notice a carriage beside the garden. The doctor's carriage!  
  
I start to run, but it hurts, so I slow it to a jog into the club and burst open the door.  
  
"Marie!" I yell. Some stagehands jump, and one smiled to me and pointed his finger in the direction of Marie's room.  
  
I don't care if it hurts, I run to her room. Every ounce of me is smiling and the butterflies push me further on.  
  
"Marie!" I yell, bounding into her room. And I see her there, on the sofa, her hands clutched together with a somber look on her face.  
  
"Marie, what's wrong?" I ask, and then I see the doc across the room looking out the window.  
  
He smiles a small smile at me, and gestures for a chair for me to sit in.  
  
"Doc, what is it? Did the test come in yet?"  
  
He nods slowly.  
  
"So doc, what's the verdict?"  
  
He took his time to walk over to me, and put his hand on my shoulder. "Mademoiselle Satine, you're… you're with child."  
  
My body froze. What? I… I didn't hear him right. I stared at him for so long that my eyes began to water, but I could hardly feel it. I finally blinked, and I felt something roll down my cheeks.  
  
I tried to make a sound, but the large lump in my throat made it almost impossible.  
  
Through a wet haze, I saw the doctor nod to Marie, pick up his hat and close the door.  
  
"Deary, are you alright?"  
  
I turned to Marie slowly. "Yeah," I whispered.  
  
"Would you like some tea?" she offered, heading to the teapot. I nodded, and a second later a cup rested in my palm.  
  
I stared at the cup for a second, so small in my hand. My other hand reached over and my finger twisted inside the loop. I raised it to my lips, and I could feel the heat of the tea on my face, and I dropped it, screaming.  
  
Marie ran to my side as I fell to the floor, crying. She hugged me, rocked me in her arms, and whispered words in my ear.  
  
My head fell onto her lap. "Marie, I'm having a baby," I cried.  
  
  
  
  
  
I woke up with a jolt, breathing hard. My hand rubbed my face as I looked around the room. Where was she?  
  
I tossed the covers aside and rose from the bed, looking in the bathroom, kitchen, and out the balcony. I only had to take a few steps, my apartment was so small.  
  
Had I only dreamed her last night? I know I had arrived on the midnight train and I had come home to find her on my bed. Yes, that had happened. But it was like she wasn't even Satine. So sad, so scared… worse off than when I had first met her.  
  
What did that bastard do to her while I was away? If only the Duke was here right now, I'd…  
  
I sigh, noticing my fists are clenched. We can't live like this… pretending. I can't live without her. Every chance we get, we're away from him, falling more and more in love. Why can't we just drop this facade?  
  
I pull the chair away from my desk, my head falling into my hands. He was a powerful man – a jealous man. I don't care about my own life if I'm with her, but Satine… he'd hurt her.  
  
But one day, one day we'll fly away. We'll find away. But until that day I have to hide my love away.  
  
But, God, it's hard.  
  
"Here I stand head in hand, turn my face to the wall. If she's gone I can't go on, feelin' two-foot small," I sing, looking out the window toward the Elephant. I hate all this hiding, but a few people knew. Toulouse, and the other Bohemians. They had all advised me to leave her, that it'd be dangerous. But I couldn't.  
  
"Everywhere people stare, each and every day. I can see them laugh at me, and I hear them say. Hey, you've got to hide your love away. Hey, you've got to hide your love away. How could I even try, I can never win. Hearing them, seeing them, in the state I'm in."  
  
I never wanted to quit, but many days it seemed hopeless. "How could she say to me, 'Love will find a way'? Gather round all you clowns, let me hear you say. Hey you've got to hide your love away. Hey you've got to hide your love away."  
  
If only I were a duke, it would be different. If only I had money and riches instead of this penniless gift to write.  
  
"Cwistian?" a small voice asks, and I don't even need to lift my head to see a person peeking their head through the hole in my ceiling.  
  
"Hello Toulouse."  
  
He claps. "That was a wovely song. When did you get back? We've aww missed you."  
  
"Thank you," I whisper, and my thoughts were correct. His face is poking through the hole. "Just got back last night. My sister had a baby."  
  
"Oh, that's wonderful!"  
  
"How has Satine been?" I ask him.  
  
He makes a low sound, thinking. "She missed you. Been sweeping in your woom every night since you weft."  
  
"Every night?"  
  
"Weww, almost. The night you weft she wasn't hewe. But don't you worry, Cwistian. I took good care of her. It wouldn't surprise me if she fell in love with me, I was so nice to her."  
  
I can't help but laugh. "Thank you Toulouse."  
  
"Care to join us for a drink?"  
  
I sigh. "No thank you." My head already spun and I didn't need Absinthe to make it worse.  
  
"Very weww."  
  
His head disappeared from the hole and I turned to my typewriter, seeing the words I had written last night. "My heart aches completely every hour of every day. But only when I'm with you does the pain go away."  
  
She was my oxygen, my life supply, my… everything.  
  
"Though I've tried before to tell her,  
  
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart.  
  
Every time that I come near her,  
  
I just lose my nerve,  
  
As I've done from the start.  
  
Every little thing she does is magic.  
  
Everything she does just turns me on.  
  
Even though my life before was tragic.  
  
Now I know my love for her goes on.  
  
Do I have to tell the story,  
  
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met?  
  
It's a big enough umbrella,  
  
but it's always me that ends up getting wet.  
  
Every little thing she does is magic.  
  
Everything she does just turns me on.  
  
Even though my life before was tragic.  
  
Now I know my love for her goes on."  
  
I get up from my desk and to my coat draped across the bedpost and pull out a velvet box. My finger rubs the velvet and my thumb pushes up, opening the box. Nothing fancy, just a gold ring with a single diamond. I had to give the jeweler all my money I had gotten from Zidler so far to buy it. But it was so plain. She had so many diamonds in her room, all from different men as she danced for them. My hand clenched again at just the thought.  
  
"I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day,  
  
and ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way.  
  
But my silent fears have gripped me,  
  
Long before I reach the phone,  
  
Long before my tongue has tripped me.  
  
Must I always be alone?"  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: Sorry if you can't understand Toulouse, I tried my best. And I've heard from some people that they are annoyed with my grammar. Um… sorry. I try my best on the spelling/grammar check but it doesn't catch some things. And I know I'm not in a very artistic mode. Just got back from vacation (St. Louis)… I have in my head a bunch of stories I cooked up, so be looking for them!  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'One Day I'll Fly Away' by well Nicole sings it, but I don't know much more than that  
  
'You've Got To Hide Your Love Away' by The Beatles  
  
'Everything She Does Is Magic' by The Police 


	5. A Fool To Believe

Was this possible? No, it's not. It's just a dream. A sick, twisted dream. But, I can't help but wonder… is this my punishment? I had been so sinful for years. I was a fool to believe that I would be saved. I was a fool to believe my life would end out perfect. I was a fool… just for believing.  
  
"I was a fool to believe. A fool to believe. It all ends today. Yes, it all ends today."  
  
But I had known it all along, some how. It was there, just sitting on my shoulder. But the truth, the awful truth that rolled off of the doctor's tongue was like knives, arrows, poison. Take your pick at the murder weapon.  
  
"Mademoiselle Satine, you're… you're with child."  
  
His voice echoed through my head, growing louder with every second. I threw my shoe at the invisible body, beating my fists in the air, throwing anything I could find but the voice grew louder and louder, and finally I couldn't take anymore.  
  
I fell to the floor, broken. "Christian…" I sobbed. I needed him, needed him now. He could make all the pain disappear.  
  
But he wouldn't come. He couldn't come, couldn't see me like this.  
  
And I remembered the song, the lonely serenade to the flowers. "I am falling, I am fading. I have lost it all."  
  
The door bursts open. Christian?  
  
But, no. It's my 'father', my pimp.  
  
"Satine…" Harold whispered. That was strange. He never called me by my name. It was always 'Chickpea' or 'Sparrow' or 'Diamond'.  
  
No, I don't want pity! I don't want any of your handouts!  
  
"Satine, you must tell the Duke. He must know."  
  
"The Duke?" is snarl. Yes, let me see him. Let me hurt him. Let him be in pain.  
  
"It IS his child after all… isn't it?"  
  
I look away, start to pluck out the small fibers in the rug under me – anything but look into his eyes. I can't tell him about Christian, it could destroy everything. When I first came here, I was warned 'NEVER fall in love'. But I had broken it. I had tasted the forbidden fruit.  
  
"Who is it?" Harold demanded. "Who is getting the change from the Duke's cash? Who is getting the… free… shows after the curtain falls." He almost spat out the word 'free'. It was not in his vocabulary.  
  
But he didn't know. He knew NOTHING about what Christian and I shared. He never knew love, shut up in his 'perfect' world full of sin and sex in bright lights.  
  
"Please, deary, tell us." It was Marie who spoke.  
  
I shook my head. "I can't!"  
  
"Chickpea," he started. There were the names again. "We can help you. We just need to know who else you slept with."  
  
"You want to know who I slept with?" I growled, rising from the floor. I stood a couple inches taller than him. "Don't you know? You booked half of France in advance!"  
  
"Don't get smart with me now. You knew what you were getting into when you signed into this job. And once the diamonds flowed in you loved every minute of it."  
  
That was it. I felt like hitting him, but he held all the cards. He could throw me out, penniless, wondering the streets, trying to convince people that I had once been something – once been a star. "I never signed for this."  
  
"The title of a courtesan comes with obligations, now you WILL tell me who you think the father of your unborn child is!"  
  
"And what would you do if I don't? You need me, remember? I have your investor wrapped around my little finger."  
  
"And he can make sure you never eat, sleep, sing, or act again."  
  
"You can't scare me with your threats, Harold."  
  
"We're both powerful men, we could do it."  
  
Would he really? I looked into his eyes, so cold and dark. Yes, he'd never been in love before. "I'll never tell you."  
  
"Fine!" he roared. "But you will stay here until you confess."  
  
"But… no!" I was supposed to meet Christian tonight. I had promised him.  
  
"You're not the only one giving something up. The duke expects you in the Gothic Tower at eight. I'll have to think of one of my brilliant lies to avert disaster."  
  
I laughed. "Tell him I'm confessing my sins."  
  
He nodded. "I suppose I could use that."  
  
Harold left the room, pondering. And with one more glance, Marie left as well. And I was alone, in my dressing room.  
  
  
  
  
  
I checked my pocket watch again for the thousandth time. No, time did not stop – a second when by. Oh, but it's still 6:02.  
  
I need to see her. I need to see her now.  
  
I thread my fingers through my hair, pacing my apartment, doing anything to keep my mind off her. But nothing works.  
  
"I can't think, think about this crazy day. I lose sleep just to daydream about you baby. I'm going crazy just thinkin about you lately. I'm going crazy, when I can't touch you. Crazy, when I can't hold you. Crazy, when I can't see you again."  
  
That's it, I can't wait for two hours, and I pick up a few papers I had written and ran out the door.  
  
  
  
  
  
"He can't keep me here. Harold doesn't have the power to confine me to my room," I pouted, sitting in the small love seat on top of the Elephant. "I can escape any time I want to."  
  
I peered down and four guards stood with their backs against the legs of the elephant and sighed. "Well this certainly won't do."  
  
I looked across the way at Hotel Blanche and maneuvered my head to try and see in Christian's window, but no luck. "Where IS that crazy, loveable man of mine?" What gallant knight was going to save this damsel in distress now?  
  
And then I see him, papers pushed against his chest as he ran, past the gates of the Moulin Rouge.  
  
"Chris…" I start to call out, but then I stop. The guards will think something is up and go tattle off to Harold. I sighed again, resting my chin on my hand. "Well this certainly won't do."  
  
  
  
  
  
I barged into the dance hall. "Satine!" I yelled. A few of the stagehands back stage jumped.  
  
"Satine isn't here." A voice behind me said.  
  
"She… she isn't here?" I asked, turning around and seeing Nini. "Well, where is she then?"  
  
Nini laughed, and licked her lips. Trying to be seductive, I thought. But she does nothing for me. She walked toward me and put her hands behind my neck. "I'm not really supposed to say, but…" She paused for a long time after I brushed her hands away. "Lets just say our Duke is going to get his money's worth tonight."  
  
"What?" I breathed, hardly even noticing that she put her hands around me again.  
  
"Yes, that Duke and that lovely Diamond are going to get it on tonight. Say tiger, how about you and I…"  
  
I pushed her off me, trying to breathe. Satine, my beautiful Satine… no! No, it's not possible! Satine would NEVER do anything like that.  
  
"Well, if you like the violent type of girl, I can be that too," she whispered, licking my ear.  
  
I jumped back, screaming. "Stay away from me," I barked, throwing my papers to the ground. They scattered everywhere, but I don't care. Satine…  
  
No, Satine would never do anything like that. Satine was good and honest and pure. Satine would never touch him. She wouldn't do that to me…  
  
My hand flew to my eyes, pushing the tears back. No, Nini was lying. She'd do ANYTHING to see people unhappy. And yet, I can't lose this heavy feeling in my chest.  
  
I turn up my collar on my coat and shove my hands in my pockets, briskly walking back to my apartment.  
  
No, she wouldn't. She wouldn't… right?  
  
  
  
  
  
Harold put his hand on Nini's shoulder, pulling her closer. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Positive," she said happily. "Years in this business, I can tell a lovesick fool when I see one."  
  
Harold patted her on the head. "There's my good girl."  
  
  
  
  
  
I sighed for the millionth time. All afternoon I wished I was in my precious Elephant, but now that I'm in here I can't think of anything to do.  
  
"I'm so bored," I quietly sang, twirling my hair with my index finger. "I'm so bored, I'm singing a weird little song…"  
  
Stop it, Satine! If you're going to sing, sing something… productive. Like a distress song.  
  
"Help, I need somebody. Help, not just anybody. Help, you know I need someone, help."  
  
I stood, walking toward the spiraling stairs. "When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way. But now these days are gone, I'm not so self-assured. Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors. Help me if you can, I'm feeling down. And I do appreciate you being round. Help me, get my feet back on the ground. Won't you please, please help me."  
  
I flop down on my bed, playing with the tassels on one of my many velvet pillows. "And now my life has changed in oh so many way. My independence seems to vanish in the haze. But every now and then I feel so insecure, I know that I just need you like I've never done before."  
  
I glance toward the window, seeing Christian walk into his apartment and throw his coat off. He looks angry, he's pacing around his apartment.  
  
He glances toward me, but I quickly duck (fall) off the bed. He runs his fingers through his hair. What's wrong, darling?  
  
And then he picks up a bottle of Absinthe. He takes a drink, looks at the label, and then smashes it on his balcony and falls on his bed.  
  
I rise from the floor, my hand reaching out for him.  
  
The door opens and slams shut. I jump and turn around, only to see Harold there.  
  
"What is it this time?" I grumble.  
  
"Are you mad? The duke's spending a fortune on you. He bought you a beautiful new dressing room. He wants to make you a star, and you're dallying with the writer!" He almost yelled the last statement.  
  
How… how did he know? But somehow I pull my shocked expression into a calm one. "Harold, don't be ridiculous…"  
  
"Don't lie to me!" he screams.  
  
What do I do? What do I say? "It's just an infatuation," I whisper, turning away from him. How did Harold know?  
  
"The infatuation will end," he said slowly. "Go to the boy, tell him it's over." He goes to the door and disappears behind it.  
  
I go over to my mirror and look at myself, and I see nobody. Just another fake with tears falling from her cheeks.  
  
It's over? No… no, it can't be. I want…  
  
'What DO you want?' the Diamond laughs. 'You really think it'll last forever, Satine? What about your dream of 'flying away' and becoming an actress?'  
  
"Shut up, Diamond. Just shut up."  
  
But, no, she continues talking.  
  
'You really think this'll last forever? Once your beauty fades, you really think your Christian will even want you anymore?'  
  
"Shut UP, Diamond!" I yell.  
  
'That's right, tell your love that you fucked another man and you're pregnant. Tell him. See if he wants you then.'  
  
"SHUT UP!" I screamed, picking up my brush and hurling it at my mirror and collapsed to the floor.  
  
"One day… I'll fly away," I whispered between sobs, lifting my head. "Leave all this… to yesterday."  
  
Who was I fooling? Once a hooker, always a hooker. Trash like me doesn't deserve dreams, doesn't deserve Christian.  
  
"Why live life from dream to dream…"  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, but I'm asking for Ewan to sing happy birthday for me on my sweet 16 in two months… I'll see what I can do…  
  
Author's Note: Um… well, I wrote this while I was sick. I hope my medicine didn't control my brain too much… And I know I switch from Satine's to Christian's POV, but I switched it for a second to show Harold and Nini talking. Sorry if that made you mad. And thank you SO much for the reviews. They just inspire me to write more. I hope you all like it so far!  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'A Fool To Believe' by… well Nicole sings it, but I don't know much more than that  
  
'Duvet' by Boa  
  
'Crazy' by K-Ci & JoJo  
  
'I'm So Bored' Ok, well… I kinda wrote this…  
  
'Help!' by The Beatles  
  
'One Day I'll Fly Away' by Baz? Nicole? Abby don't know. 


	6. I Will Love You

I had awoken early that morning; nothing good in my dreams, and all I had to eat was some dried up fruit. In truth, I hadn't slept a wink. My hopes, my dreams, my fears were all sent to Satine.  
  
I couldn't even find solitude in my typewriter like I always did. But I sat down, and wrote what ever came to my mind.  
  
Dhg...idu...efo...edk...io...si...dss..djf  
  
I tried to clear my mind with the gentle sounds of inked stamps on paper, but with the smooth motions my mind started to drift away, to the face of the Duke, to Satine…  
  
Oh God, tell me the truth. What happened last night? I know Satine hadn't been with the duke. After I returned home I glanced out the window to the Elephant and saw her dive behind her bed in the Red Room. But last night… where was she?  
  
I stopped typing and pushed the tray over to write something productive.  
  
'All night the Sitar Player had waited. And for the first time, he felt the cold stab of jealousy.'  
  
There was a tap on the door.  
  
"Come in," I called, typing random letters to clear my head again.  
  
I smelled her before I saw her. Flowers, coconuts, spices… My mind drifted off to an exotic beach, with blue shores and white sand. I had found my solitude, but her words brought me back to reality.  
  
"Christian… we need to talk."  
  
I looked at her, and God she looked so beautiful. She wasn't wearing her usual makeup that made her eyes smoky or her lips like blood. She looked… heavenly, somehow. And her cream-colored dress made her look even more angelic.  
  
Heaven must be missin' an angel. Because you're hear with me right now.  
  
"Christian…" she said again, and my eyes snapped up at her.  
  
"Where were you last night?" I asked. She was about to sit down on the bed and paused for a brief moment before she did.  
  
"I… was sick," she said with a sad smile.  
  
I rose from my chair and sat next to her, placing my hand on her own, folded in her lap. "You don't have to lie to me."  
  
She pulled away from my touch – she's never done that before – and walked toward my typewriter and read what I just wrote. She looked at me, and then to the open window toward the Moulin Rouge.  
  
"We have to end it," she whispered, the pain in my chest returning. "Everyone knows – Harold knows. Sooner or later the Duke will find out too."  
  
What? I turned away from her, not letting her see me hurting.  
  
But she continued. "On opening night I have to sleep with the Duke. And the jealousy will drive you mad."  
  
She sighed and went to the other side of the room, looking out the window.  
  
End it? No. No, this was not happening. After all we have been through so far, we can't give up.  
  
I rose from the bed and stormed out into the balcony and saw two initials – C.J. and S.D. - scrawled in a heart on the ground. Our love was written in stone. It was so clear.  
  
I walked around the balcony to where she was looking out the window and my hands rested on her cheeks. "Then we'll write a song. And… and I'll put it in the play." She started to protest, but I continued, kissing her forehead. "And when you sing it, or whistle it or hum it, then you'll know… you'll know that we love one another. I won't get jealous."  
  
"Things don't work like that, Christian." She pushed past me. "We have to end it."  
  
My breath slowed and my heart almost stopped. End it? Why, because of the duke? I don't care. I under stand the risks, and I'm not afraid of the Duke, or Harold, or the King of England or anyone! With you I can do anything. You… You made me feel that I was something different.  
  
I catch her eye, but she turns from me.  
  
You made me something new, something exciting, something better than I had ever thought I was. You made me feel… like I can do anything.  
  
"Never knew I could feel like this." The words just popped into my head as I sang for her. "It's like I've never seen the sky…" she stopped, but didn't turn around, "…before. Want to vanish inside your kiss. Everyday I'm loving you more and more."  
  
She glanced back at me, and I could see tears form in the corners of her eyes. "Listen to my heart – can you hear it sing? Telling me to give you everything." I slowly walk to her. "Seasons may change, winter to spring. But I love you…" She let me put my arms around her without protest. "Until the end… of… time. Come what may. Come what may. I will love you until my dying day."  
  
"Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place," she quietly sang. "Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace."  
  
"Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste," we said together.  
  
"It all revolves around you," I sang.  
  
"And there's not mountain too high." Our voices rose, strong and beautiful. "No river too wide. Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side. Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide."  
  
"But I love you," I sang out.  
  
She smiled and echoed, "I love you."  
  
"Until the end…" I said.  
  
"Until the end…" she echoed.  
  
"…of time," we sang. "Come what may. Come what may. I will love you until my dying day."  
  
She fell into my embrace with a quiet sob, her arms hugging my shoulders. "Christian, I love you," she whispered against my neck.  
  
"And I you," I smiled. "We can make this work."  
  
She lifted her head and nodded. She tried to blink her tears away, but it wouldn't work. I lifted my finger to her eye and wiped them away.  
  
I was careful to not step on the broken Absinthe bottle from yesterday as I swung her in my arms and carried her into the apartment, collapsing onto the bed, kissing, touching, clothes flinging everywhere.  
  
And we made love. Sweeter and slower than anything we ever had before.  
  
I watched her all afternoon, sleeping in my arms. Her chest moved slowly as she inhaled breaths, her lips up in a smile.  
  
I lowered my head to her hair and smelled, kissing her forehead. Everything was so good, everything perfect. And then rain gently dropped outside. Everything in the world was… perfect.  
  
"Lying here with you, listening to the rain," I quietly sang, looking at Satine's face. "Smiling just to see the smile upon your face. These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive. These are the moments I'll remember all my life. I found all I've waited for, and I could not ask for more."  
  
I took her hand in mine and raised her wrist to my lips, where her skin was so smooth. I touched my lips to it and kissed it. "Looking in your eyes, seeing all I need. Everything you are is everything to me. These are the moments, I know heaven must exist. These are the moments I know all I need is this. I found all I've waited for, and I could not ask for more."  
  
She shifted in her sleep and I watched her roll over onto her side, closer to me, and drape her arm around my waist subconsciously. "I could not ask for more than this time together. I could not ask for more than this time with you. Every prayer has been answered; every dream I've had is come true. And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be. Here with you, here with me."  
  
I sank down further in the bed, my face level with hers – she's so beautiful – and I kiss the tip of her nose, and caress her hair. "I could not ask for more than the love you give me. 'Cause it's all I've waited for. And I could not ask for more."  
  
And I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: Ok, so that was kinda short and entirely in the POV of Christian. More is to come, so do not fret. Happy times are still there. I mentioned 'Missing An Angel' (I think that's what it's called) and all I know is that it's from the Charlie's Angels soundtrack.  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'Come What May' by… um… I'm stumped.  
  
'I Could Not Ask For More' by Edwin McCain 


	7. How Wonderful Life Is

"We must be careful," I whispered, my hands clutching the Argentinean's.  
  
"Do not fear. We shall conduct our love affair right under the eyes of the maharaja."  
  
I saw his eyes cross, and tried to pull away from him before fell, but the Argentinean's grip was strong and as he fell unconscious he took me down with him. I screamed as my stomach landed on his belt.  
  
"Dar… Mademoiselle Satine!" Christian yelled, rushing over to me as everyone else did. "Are you alright?"  
  
I was grimacing, but tried to pull it into a smile. "I'm alright."  
  
A few stagehands pried my hands out of the iron-grip.  
  
"Honestly, this is impossible!" Zidler yelled, throwing his script into the air and sinking into his director's chair. "If the Argentinean is unconscious, how will we ever get this production under way?"  
  
"I… I could fill in for him," Christian offered slowly, taking my hand gently into his and helping me up. He laughed lightly. "I wrote all his lines, it shouldn't be a problem."  
  
I saw Zidler's gaze fix on me – irritated and angry – but I turned away from him and faced Christian. "Well, Monsieur James, I suppose you shall do. That is, until the Argentinean comes to his conscious self again." I flashed a nervous smile, trying to hide my excitement. The courtesan and the sitar player kissed frequently.  
  
I heard Zidler sigh heavily. "I suppose the writer could do it. There's no one else."  
  
"Where is the Argentinean's understudy, Zidler?" the Duke's nasil-full voice echoed in the stage.  
  
"I… I am," Christian said nervously.  
  
"You?" the Duke snarled, his lips curled up. "Since when were you an actor?"  
  
"Since the Argentinean asked me to be his understudy, I suppose."  
  
The duke glared his eyes at Christian. "Very well," he snapped after a long pause. "Let's get on with the play."  
  
"Alright, we'll take it from where we left off," Zidler said, rising from his chair and sitting on the steps by stage left.  
  
"We must be careful," I whispered, my hands holding Christian's softly. My finger rubbed his skin.  
  
"Do not fear," he said back at me, his eyes sparkling. "We shall conduct our love affair right under the eyes of the maharaja."  
  
I moaned softly, just as I was supposed to do, and leaned in to him. The script said the two were to kiss. Christian knew what part we were at, but still he checked his script and then raised his eyes at me. He leaned in. Close, closer, and then…  
  
"That's enough!" Zidler and the Duke yelled at the same moment, breaking Christian and me apart.  
  
"But, in the script it says…" I started.  
  
"Chickpea, why don't we skip on ahead of that scene?" Harold suggested.  
  
Must I? I wanted to whine. The next scene I wasn't in, so I had to go sit in the audience and entertain the Duke. But I kept my mouth shut and nodded.  
  
"Uh… this… this new scene is where the sitar player writes a secret song for the courtesan," Christian said, going over toward the piano where all his papers were. I looked up at him through my lashes and smiled. He had but our song in the play! And since it was new, and I was in it, I didn't need to sit out… yet.  
  
"So that she knows that what ever happens…how… however bad things get," he cleared his throat and looked away from me, talking in a more professional tone. "They remember they're love. So lets take it…"  
  
Christian flipped through a stack of papers, and then hit his forehead. "I left the scripts back stage," he said, glancing his head toward me and went back stage.  
  
"Oh!" I exclaimed, putting my hand to my mouth. "Harold, didn't we decide that I should have my handbag for that previous scene? I forgot it. It's in my dressing room. While the writer is getting the scripts, I'll go get it."  
  
I turned quickly before Harold could say anything and headed back stage, quickly going to my dressing room where Christian and I had planned to meet. I opened the door to find him in there, smiling, leaning against the wall. I glanced at the vanity table and saw the scripts and my handbag, sitting there for our diversion.  
  
"I'm afraid I took a wrong turn," he whispered. "I can't find my scripts anywhere, perhaps you know where they are?"  
  
I smiled again as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "It may take a while to find them."  
  
"I was hoping you would say that," he breathed, kissing me. He pushed my back against the wall and rubbed my stomach. I lifted my head, remembering I was still with child, but I lost all my reasoning as I looked into his eyes and dragged him over to the small couch.  
  
For about ten minutes – we lost track of time – we stayed in my dressing room, and when we finally came up for air my red lipstick was all around his mouth and my hair was messed up.  
  
I licked my fingers as I tried to scrub the lipstick off his lips and chin, and he pushed my hair back into its pins. It was like a routine schedule, getting presentable again. And we never wanted to leave that dressing room, but we always had to.  
  
I picked up my handbag from the vanity table and ran out the door, reaching the stage first. I slowed down when I got back stage and presented myself with a 'ta-da' and held the bag up.  
  
"I finally found it, and in the hardest place imaginable."  
  
Christian came in a minute later, covering his mouth with his hand – lipstick is so hard to get off of skin. "Found them," he said, holding them up with one hand and coughing into the other.  
  
Christian handed out the scripts of music and lines and we went over them. I pretended to listen to what the actor's were saying, but my eyes and attention ventured over to Christian. He glared playfully at me and unwrapped the scarf from around his lips. I laughed when I saw it was still bright red. "It's all your fault," he mouthed with a grin, putting the scarf back in its place and told everyone that it was 'very cold in here'.  
  
Minutes before our lunch break, I had to sit down. I pulled a tired expression on my face and complained of a 'headache' as I rubbed my temples.  
  
"I'm sorry, Duke," I whispered to him, holding back the hatred of him in my mind. "I would love to have lunch with you today, but I fear for my health."  
  
"That's alright, my dear," he said, but his eyes were downcast and his lips pulled into a frown… at least that's what I think it was. "Your health comes first. But there will be… more… days together." He slid his hand down my thigh to my knee, and I nodded as I tried to keep what I had had for breakfast down.  
  
I looked up at Christian, and he turned his eyes away from me. The script he had in his hands was twisted and he clenched the bottom of it.  
  
I knew it hurt him to see me with the Duke. Even with all his self-control, I knew he wanted to lash out at him, and I would love it if he did that.  
  
But my life is torn. I belong with Christian – I love him. But my life has me belonging to the Duke. I've gotten myself into a big mess.  
  
  
  
  
  
At our lunch break Satine and I went up to the balcony seats – something newly added since Zidler made the club into a theater. But there were no seats yet in the balcony, just a wide, open, drafty space. But with a blanket on the ground, a basked full of food and Satine it wasn't so bad. Satine having faked a headache and me 'taking a walk', we enjoyed a bottle of wine, some sandwiches and a few croissants (her favorite).  
  
I lifted my wineglass in the air. "To love."  
  
She smiled as she swallowed the mouth full of croissant and lifted her glass. "To love," she seconded, taking a small sip. I drank from my glass and reached for a sandwich.  
  
"What do you want?" she asked.  
  
I paused, the sandwich in my hands and did my best impression of a courtesan – I licked my lips and batted my eyelashes. She laughed, as I knew she would.  
  
"You crazy man," she whispered, leaning over to kiss me. "What I was trying to say, is 'what do you want most in life'?"  
  
I looked at her for a second and felt for the velvet box in my coat pocket. I want to marry you, have children with you, and grow old with you. But things were complicated right now. Maybe after the play… but opening night, she had to go with the Duke. I closed my eyes, refusing to let myself think about it. Not now – not while everything is going great. "Most of all, I want you," I said quietly.  
  
She blushed and lowered her head, tearing a bit of her croissant and putting it into her mouth. "I want you too," she whispered.  
  
"And we will," I said, lifting her chin.  
  
She gave a forced smile.  
  
"One day you'll fly away," I sang quietly to her. "Leave all this to yesterday."  
  
"But Christian, the Duke…"  
  
I shook my head and silenced her with a kiss, like I had done that day I left on the train.  
  
"Love lifts us up where we belong," I sang, caressing her cheek. "Where eagles fly on a mountain high."  
  
She smiled, that sweet, pure smile that was Satine and sang back what she had said so many nights ago but only seemed like yesterday. "Love makes us act like we are fools."  
  
"We should be lovers!" I sang to her, skipping ahead in our duet.  
  
"We can't do that," she said sadly, pouting dramatically.  
  
"We should be lovers, and that's a fact." She smiled and brushed the strand of hair away from my forehead that always found its way in my eyes. "We can be heroes, just because I will always love…"  
  
"I can't help loving you," we sang together. I pulled myself on top of her, pinning her to the ground, and stared into her eyes.  
  
"How wonderful life is…" she whispered in my ear, pulling me closer. I remembered that night – that magical night.  
  
"…Now you're in the world!" we finished, and we kissed again. I don't even care that I got more lipstick on me and it would take a while to come off… there was only Satine and me. Forever.  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that Christian's last name is James. But I don't remember Satine's. It starts with a D, but other than that… if you know, please tell me. And didn't I tell you this would be happy? Huh? Huh?  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'One Day I'll Fly Away' by I don't know!  
  
'Elephant Love Medley' Moulin Rouge CD. A mixie of a bunch of songs. 


	8. The Suspecting Maharaja

I sighed as I stared at Christian's adorable face, lit by midnight, while he slept. He was just so… beautiful, with the bed sheet only coving his waist down, his eyes closed, and his arms, so warm, holding me close to him. I touched his nose lightly.  
  
His nostrils twitched and with a silent laugh I brushed the hair away from his eyes. This is where I was meant to be, here in his arms. This is the man who will be beside me for the rest of my life.  
  
The butterflies flutter wildly, and I sigh again just thinking of our future together. "I love you," I whisper without even thinking. With Christian, I have nothing to fear, nothing to worry about. All I have to do is be myself and the butterflies take over. And we'll be together… forever.  
  
The wind pushes the window open and for a second the cold wind wraps over me, and it's like a reminder of the Duke's touch on my skin. I wince and bury myself further in Christian's warm embrace, pulling the blankets up to our chins.  
  
"Christian, I love you," my voice almost pleads with him. But… if he found out, nothing would be like it was. Come what may, I WILL love you, but will you love me?  
  
Forever… it can't be. I can't hurt us both. One day, I'll fly away. Leave your love to yesterday… One day, I'll have to leave you. I rest my head on his chest and, still asleep, he wraps me in his arms closer.  
  
What would I do without him? How would I survive? How would he?  
  
I close my eyes and think of the answers to my own questions, but nothing comes to mind. I can't live without him, but I have to leave. It's the best thing for both of us.  
  
Would he forget me years later, I wonder with a tear in my eye. Would he fall in love all over again – fall stronger in love – with someone else?  
  
But it'd be better that way, I realize, feeling his breaths against my forehead. He needs to be happy. He deserves it so much more than I do. It's the truth, but I can't help but wonder.  
  
"So lately," I sing quietly, making sure not to wake him up, "been wondering, who will be there to take my place. When I'm gone, you'll need love, to light the shadows on your face. If the great wave shall fall, it'd fall upon us all. And between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own?"  
  
I want to stay. Want to grow old with him, spend the rest of my life with him. "If I could, then I would. I'll go wherever you will go. Way up high, or down low. I'll go wherever you will go. And maybe, I'll find out, the way to make it back someday. To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days."  
  
My arms reach over his side and I touch his bare back. "Runaway with my heart. Runaway with my hope. Runaway with my love. I know now, just quite how. My life and love might still go on. In your heart and your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time."  
  
Why did I have to be so stupid? My life was close to perfect, and now it's hell again. "If I could turn back time, I'll go wherever you will go. If I could make you mine, I'll go wherever you will go. If I could, then I would. I'll go wherever you will go…"  
  
Christian stirs and I wince, hoping I didn't wake him up. But he lifts my chin and stares into me with his soft blue eyes. He's barely breathing, and my chin quivers, close to tears.  
  
"Satine," he breathes, pulling me into his arms.  
  
"Christian…" I can hardly get any words out, except the one always on the tip of my tongue. He just heard me saying I was going to leave him… is he angry?  
  
But he sings, looking my eyes and caressing my cheek. "I wanna know, who ever told you I was letting go, of the only joy that I have ever known. They're lying. So you should know this love we share was never made to die. I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I. Just you and I."  
  
I smile at him, fighting with words.  
  
"I'm never gonna say goodbye, 'cause I never wanna see you cry," he continues. "I swore to you my love would remain. And I swear it all over again and I, I'm never gonna treat you bad, 'cause I never wanna see you sad. I swore to share your joy and your pain, and I swear it all over again."  
  
I fall into his embrace as he keeps singing. "Some people say, that everything has got its place in time. Even the day must give way to the night; but I'm not buying." He lifted my head for a brief second. " 'Cause in your eyes, I see a love that burns eternally. And if you see how beautiful you are to me, you'll know I'm not lying. Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye, but even if we try, there are something's in this life won't be denied."  
  
"I'm never gonna say goodbye, 'cause I never wanna see you cry," he continues. "I swore to you my love would remain. And I swear it all over again and I, I'm never gonna treat you bad, 'cause I never wanna see you sad. I swore to share your joy and your pain, and I swear it all over again. The more I know of you, is the more I know I love you, and the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more. And the more that you love me, the more that I know oh that I'm never gonna let you go. Gotta let you know that I'm never gonna say goodbye 'cause I never wanna see you cry. I swore to you my love would remain, and I swear it all over again and I'm never gonna treat you bad, 'cause I never wanna see you sad. I swore to share your joy and your pain, and I swear it all over again. All over again. I swear it all over again."  
  
I stare into his face, lost in my own wonder. How is it possible that he can just hand over his heart to me with no questions asked?  
  
I reach out for him, pulling him to me, my lips on his. I love you, Christian.  
  
  
  
  
  
It made me want to cry. I was having a pleasant dream, and when her sweet vocals reached into my world I was in heaven. But how could she think it? How could she think I could ever not love her? Come what may, remember? I WILL love you until my dying day.  
  
What would I do without you?  
  
I break apart from her lips and trace her jaw line with kisses and down her neck.  
  
"How do I, get through the night without you?" I sing to her, rubbing the tender spot at the base of her neck and kiss the spot slowly. "If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be? Oh, I need you in my arms, need you to hold. You're my world, my heart, my soul. If you ever leave," she flinched slightly under my hands, a tickle I'm guessing, "baby you would take away everything good in my life. And tell me now: how do I live without you? I want to know. How do I breathe without you if you ever go? How do I ever, ever survive? How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?"  
  
She ran her fingers down my cheek with a smile on her face. "Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky. There would be no love in my life. There'd be no world left for me. And I, baby I don't know what I would do. I'd be lost if I lost you. If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything real in my life. And tell me now: How do I live without you? I want to know. How do I breathe without you if you ever go? How do I ever, ever survive? How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?"  
  
"If you ever leave," we sing together, and I sigh, her hand rubbing my hip feels so good. "Baby you would take away everything. I need you with me. Baby don't you know that you're everything good in my life? And tell me now: how do I live without you, I want to know. How do I breathe without you if you ever go? How do I ever, ever survive? How do I, how do I, oh how do I live? How do I live without you?"  
  
We fell in each other's arms, laughing, smiling, kissing, touching. This was where I belonged, where I was meant to be, forever.  
  
But when the sun rises over Montmatre, we did too. Opening night was just at the end of the week, and everyone's rushing around with fervor trying to get ready.  
  
I yawn over my few hours of sleep – Zidler had us working from morning to night, and cut back on our breaks in half. He promised us all that after opening night, things would get better, but I don't even want to think about opening night. I don't want to think about the Duke and Satine, together.  
  
I close my eyes and pause in the middle of pulling my suspenders onto my shoulders. The image is eating me up inside, making me sick. How can I let the woman I love go with another man willingly? He wants to cage her, to keep her as his trophy. I wanted her to be free – free and beautiful.  
  
We can hardly get anytime to slip away and 'practice her lines'. Every corner, every shadow, he's there.  
  
I glance at Satine, tugging on the stings on her corset feverishly, and I can't help but laugh, my current fears disappearing.  
  
"Darling, what are you doing?" I ask, realizing it was a silly question too late, but she didn't take notice to it.  
  
She turns to me and pouts, making a low whimpering sound. "I can't get me laced…" she whines adorably, venturing over toward me with slow, dragging footsteps. "Baby, help me."  
  
I put my hands in the air in protest, but she rests her head on my chest, her eyes staring up at me with that frown still on her face. I open my mouth to tell her I'm not that good, but she starts to whimpers again and I sigh heavily – I can never win against her. I don't know why I even try.  
  
"Turn around," I grumble, giving her the same pout back. She springs up and smiles, facing her back to me.  
  
Day after day, she can never get her corset on, and I don't see why she even needs to. She's looks great, and is so thin already.  
  
I hold the strings and look at them in my palm, tightening the ones at the top. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to make it too tight…" I start to protest, but she silences me with a wave of her hand.  
  
"Oh come on, I can take it. I'll tell you if you start to hurt me."  
  
And so I pull the strings through the hoops, making a pretty little bow at the end and step back to look at my work.  
  
"There, is my courtesan happy now?"  
  
A smile washes over her mouth as she wraps her arms around my neck. "Yes, my penniless sitar player."  
  
My lips start to move to mumble something from the play, but nothing comes to mind and Satine fills in the silence beautifully with a kiss.  
  
"Cwistian!" I hear Toulouse shriek.  
  
I lift my head and see his head appearing around the edge of the hole in the ceiling.  
  
"What is it, Toulouse?" I asked, breathless from the kiss.  
  
Toulouse's eyes fall on Satine. She slowly backs away to where he can't see her standing in the middle of the room in her underwear and begins to slip on her dress in the bathroom.  
  
"What is it?" I ask again.  
  
"Rehearsal starts any minute. If you two are not thewe soon, the Maharaja will suspect!"  
  
I sigh, pulling my other suspender to my shoulder. The sitar always spoke the truth.  
  
"Satine, darling, run on ahead."  
  
"Uh-huh," she says, putting her red lipstick onto her lips and rubbing them together after she has them painted. She quickly blew me a kiss, not wanting to get the red paint on me again and runs out the door.  
  
I finish getting ready – throw on my old raggedy scarf around my neck, grab my brown hat and script and dash out the door. I meet Toulouse on the stairs, whose script was pushed against his chest and his eyes closed.  
  
"They greatest thing you'll ever… make - no. Conceive – no." He wracks his brain for a second, and then exclaims, "Contract!"  
  
"The greatest thing you'll ever LEARN is just to love, and be loved in return," I tell him. After months he still didn't have his only line memorized – his only important line. Nothing mattered but love.  
  
  
  
  
  
I try to keep my attention fixed on my work, my lines… where I'm going. After tripping into the bald drumming guy, I knew I had to have a talk to myself… but it still didn't work. I didn't want to be here. I would give anything to be away from the stage and in Christian's arms, his lips pressed up against mine, his scent intoxicating me…  
  
I screech as I run into the Argentinean. "Sorry," I mutter, my hand on my forehead. I walk around, breathing slowly.  
  
"Get a grip, Satine," I whisper to myself. "Keep your cool."  
  
The duke enters at the entrance and I hide my disappointment – and myself – behind the stage curtain. I push my fists to the side of my head and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.  
  
But my heart races when arms grab me and drag my body into the many folds of the red curtain. I start to scream, but lips cover mine and instantly I know who it is by the taste. I lean my body to him, opening my mouth to him more, running my hands though his hair and tipping his hat off his head in the process.  
  
His fingers, like fire, touch my face and burn through my clothing and onto my back, hips, arms, shoulders…  
  
Someone grabs the curtain suddenly and I tear myself from Christian as quick as I can and hide behind him, hoping I'm hidden.  
  
"Christian," Harold whispers. "Have you seen Satine? The duke is demanding for her, and I thought I saw her come in this direction."  
  
Christian shakes his head, covering his lips with his mouth and balances the other one on his hip. "Sorry."  
  
Harold glares at him for a second and glances behind him. I close my eyes, hoping he won't see me, and for seconds that seemed to last like hours I stayed thus. But finally the curtain dropped and they were in the dark once more.  
  
"He knows," I whisper, my hands creeping up Christian's arms to touch his face. "He knows."  
  
"It'll be alright," he assures me, kissing my forehead. "He wouldn't tell the Duke."  
  
'Tell the Duke?!' my mind screams. I had never thought of that possibility. Maybe Harold wouldn't… but someone else might.  
  
"Christian, I have to go," I breathe, turning away from him. "He's waiting."  
  
"Come… what… may," he sings quietly, kissing my shoulder.  
  
I look into his eyes, so shadowy in the dark, and smile. "I will love you…"  
  
"…Until my dying day," we finish, and I sigh, slipping out of the curtain and head on stage.  
  
Not two seconds on stage and I hear the Duke squawk, "Satine!"  
  
I wince. I had always liked my name, but when he said it I was on the verge of changing it. But I smiled as I walked to him, lifting my hand to him.  
  
His lip twitched as he kissed the back of my hand and I did my best to keep a smile on my face.  
  
"My dear, where were you?" he demanded.  
  
"A girl had got to have her secrets," I purred, pulling my hand away from him and watching him from behind my eyelashes.  
  
He pushed his bottom lip out as a laugh echoed from inside his throat. I suppressed a laugh and raised my eyebrows.  
  
"Satine, darling, would you care to join me…" he started, but my day had started out so good and I wanted it to continue that way.  
  
"My dear Duke, rehearsal is about to start." I reached over to kiss him on the cheek, my smile twitching as I pulled away. "I'm sure we can talk later." Oh no! I just invited him for a date! But I hoped he hadn't noticed as I turned away from him and walked up the stairs to the stage.  
  
I glanced at Christian, over by the piano. He looked at me and smiled slightly, turning his attention over toward Satie as he played the piano. Toulouse and The Doctor were in the corner, having an early drink of Absinthe, and the Argentinean was practicing a dance number with Nini.  
  
I looked once more at Christian, his head bent over music, and I headed back stage toward my dressing room.  
  
"Hello Marie," I said with a smile as I went behind my changing screen. She draped my performing dress – red with black netting – over the screen and helped me get out of my dress.  
  
"Your corset isn't on right," she whispered, untying the bow Christian had done and pulled the strings tighter. I grimaced.  
  
"You know I'm not good at putting those things on," I whispered, breathless.  
  
Marie helped me put my performing dress on and when she was done I ventured over toward my chair. A few seconds later she brought over a brush and ran it through my hair.  
  
"That Duke was looking for you last night, deary," she said, fitting the jeweled headdress on my head.  
  
"Was he?" I asked absently, arranging the pins around to keep it in.  
  
Marie stopped fixing my hair and looked at me. "You can't keep doing this."  
  
I gave her a weak smile. "Doing what?" I asked, knowing what she meant already.  
  
"Satine, I know you the best out of everyone here. I KNOW you. Don't hurt yourself like this."  
  
I glanced away to my vanity mirror, pounds of diamonds strewn around the counter. "I chose love, Marie. Love isn't always an easy road to travel on."  
  
Marie sighed and brushed my hair again, laying it over my shoulders. "There, you're done."  
  
I checked the mirror and saw an empty girl, but when I closed my eyes I saw Christian and felt warm. He was my reason for living. He was my reason for going on. The show must go on. My show must go on for him.  
  
  
  
  
  
My hand flew to my stomach as it growled. I was starving, but our lunch break wasn't for another half-hour. If only I can make it through this scene, then Satine and I will go somewhere. Just another half-hour.  
  
I rubbed my eyes, wishing I was somewhere – anywhere but here. But then I look up and I spot her sparkling blue eyes and mischievous smile and suddenly all my worries melt away. I am where I'm supposed to be.  
  
"Let's take it from the top," Zidler calls, going to his spot at the ending scene of the play.  
  
The lines, the actions, the feelings went through my head… the sitar throwing money at the beautiful courtesan's feet, and leaving the kingdom forever.  
  
But… wait. The courtesan picks herself off the floor at stares after the sitar player as he's leaving. And she sings they're song. The secret song the sitar player wrote for her to keep their love alive. "Never knew I could feel like this. It's like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss. Everyday I'm loving you more, and more. Listen to my heart – do you hear it sing? It's telling me to give you everything. Seasons my change, winter to springs. But I love you. Until the end… of… time. Come what may, come what may. I will love you until my dying day."  
  
The sitar player looks back at her. And reaches out for her. "Come what may," he sings, strongly, smiling at her. "Come what may!"  
  
"I will love you…" they sing together, the sitar going to the courtesan.  
  
The dancers around them raise their hands at them. "Come what may!"  
  
"I will love you!" they sing.  
  
"Come what may!"  
  
I glance at the Duke, so contempt sitting in the middle of the audience in a lone chair. He looked so stupid, I wished I could tell him that. But Nini comes to him, wraps her arms around him. Why she isn't in the production now, I don't know, but what she whispers into his ear makes the Duke's eyes wide and almost pop out.  
  
I try to hide my laugh. She probably said a dirty joke or something, and I see her walk away with a laugh.  
  
The Duke looks at Satine, then at me, and I quickly avert my eyes and finish singing along with my actors, telling the story of love. Of a love that will love forever, even with the interruptions of an evil Maharaja.  
  
"I will love you!" I sing out, singing for my Satine. "Until my dying day!"  
  
We all breathe out at the same time, looking at our audience of one. All our hard work, all our sweat. All those days at my typewriter with my muse, my siren sleeping on the bed close by. The story of us, that would never die as long as it was told.  
  
The Duke's lips twitched. "I don't like this ending."  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: Ooh… don't you just hate Nini? Grr! Wow, this kinda went downhill at end. I'm afraid my muse has left me! I need to hold auditions for a new one, it seems. But now that I died my hair red (I was waiting to do it for MONTHS!) I am in with the whole Satine scheme. And at http://www.angelcage.org/mrtest.html, where you can see what MR character you are, I am most like Christian. So… does that mean I'm in love with myself? I don't really know, but it seems I am both Satine and Christian! Which is very, very strange… Thanks with all the reviews so far; they just make me so happy and eager to write. And I tried to have the planned ending of 'Spectacular! Spectacular' different than the REAL one, so I hope you weren't too confused, my darlings.  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'Wherever You Will Go' by The Calling  
  
'Swear It Again' by Westlife  
  
'How Do I Live' by LeAnn Rimes  
  
'Come What May' by ? 


	9. We'll Leave Tonight

Nini laughed as she walked away from the Duke. 'You can have him,' my mind whispered, looking away from the Duke's scowl, and into the eyes of the Argentinean. I really did love this play, everything about it, every aspect. It was OUR story, after all, me and my sitar player's.  
  
"I will love you!" I sand out to the Argentinean, trying to imagine Christian's face instead of this dark, bearded one. From the corner of my eye I saw him, with that big adorable grin on his face. "Until my dying day!"  
  
At that moment where we all breathed as one, became one, felt out hearts as one, I knew we had gold. I knew that this was the best work I had ever been a part of – ever felt before. And starting tomorrow, our story would be told. That way, I can always be with you, Christian…  
  
My mind was all wrapped up in my love, but the Duke's words brought me out of my trance.  
  
"I don't like this ending."  
  
I let go of the Argentinean's hands and crossed my arms. 'And WHY not?' I demanded, hating him with every fiber of my being. He wouldn't know a good play if it bit him in the…  
  
"Don't like the ending, my dear Duke?" Harold asked. I knew he disapproved of my relationship with Christian, but he did feel the play was a hit. He could almost feel the money pile up when he had first heard of the story plan.  
  
The duke stood. "Why would the courtesan choose a penniless sitar player over the maharaja, who is offering a lifetime of security? That's real love," he snapped. My heart almost stopped as I realized… he knows. But I pulled my face into its normal unemotional state. His eyes darted over toward Christian, and then toward me. "Once the sitar player has satisfied his lust, he will leave the courtesan with nothing. I suggest that in the end, the courtesan chooses the maharaja."  
  
"B-But, sorry!" Toulouse exclaimed, coming down the stairs. "Sorry, but that ending does not uphold the bohemian ideals of trust, beauty, freedom-"  
  
"I don't care about your ridiculous dogma!" the Duke snapped, his face turning red, his messy straw-colored hair flopping into his face. "Why shouldn't the courtesan choose the maharaja?"  
  
"Because she doesn't love you!" After the words escaped Christian's lips, I knew he hadn't meant to say them. Everyone was looking toward him. It was all over – everyone knew. Christian took a deep breath and tried to shake off the many pairs of eyes on him. "H-Him. Sh-She doesn't love h- She doesn't love him."  
  
"Oh, I see," the Duke whispered, looking at Christian, and then back at me. I did my best to not look at the man I loved, for an answer of what to do. I raised my chin, hoping I looked like I was clueless to what the writer was talking about.  
  
"Monsieur Zidler, this ending WILL be rewritten, with the courtesan choosing the maharaja," the Duke snapped. "And without the lovers' secret song. It will be rehearsed in the morning, ready for the opening tomorrow night."  
  
Harold's usual smile faded, watching his money blow away in the breeze. "M- My dear Duke, th-that will be quite impossible."  
  
"Harold!" I said, feeling all eyes on me. I tried to keep my voice straight as I waved my hand at Harold. "Oh! The poor Duke is being treated APPALINGLY." I started down the stairs slowly and waved my hand again toward Christian. "These silly writers let their imaginations run away with them." Damn you Diamond… She moved her hips with every step and looked the Duke straight in the eye and her voice changed to that low, seductive purr. "Now, why don't you and I have a little supper, and then after words… we can let Monsieur Zidler know how we prefer the story to end." I raised my eyebrows. "Hmm?"  
  
He looked past me at Christian and then back at me and nodded. I didn't even want to think what the Duke would do if I couldn't work my magic, how his jealousy would drive him mad.  
  
  
  
  
  
Why did I say it? 'She doesn't love you!' Oh God… I rested my arm on the wall, my head in the crook. It's not supposed to be like this. The magical sitar gives the game away… it was written in the script.  
  
Oh hell, Christian. This is life, not some play.  
  
But if so, why does the maharaja know?  
  
I had put me to death by killing our love. Our love, our sweet love, was the only thing keeping me alive, keeping me from going crazy in this place. I had just killed myself.  
  
"I am falling," I sing quietly, the sad words suddenly familiar to me. "I am fading. I have lost it all."  
  
"Thank you Elizabeth," I hear her say, followed by footsteps down the short flight of stairs. But her voice… it's breathless, sad…  
  
"I don't want you to sleep with him," the words fall from my tongue. Satine turns to me with a startle and sighs.  
  
"He could destroy everything," she whispered. "I…"  
  
Two dancers walk by, laughing, talking. Having no care in the world. I step back into the shadows and she follows my action.  
  
"It's for us."  
  
I shake my head. You can't be his. It's not the way it's supposed to be…  
  
She sighs, her eyes looking lost. "You promised…" She puts her cheek against mine, whispering, "You promised to me you wouldn't be jealous. You…"  
  
She lifts her head and fights with words to say. I had always been the strong one, telling her things would end out fine, but I needed her to be the strength. "It will be alright," she whispered, taking my cheeks between her hands. I shake my head. "Yes, it will." She looks over her shoulder. "He's waiting," she said, breathlessly, turning.  
  
I grab her arm. "No."  
  
I can barely look at her. Any second now, I'll wake up beside her in my garret. Please, don't leave me. Don't leave me all alone…  
  
Coconuts and flowers wash over me, and soft hair on my skin. "Come… what may," she sings into my ear.  
  
I look at her. No, I'll never be alone. "Come what may…" I don't even want to think about what will happen to her in less than an hour, who will be this close to her… I force myself to take a deep breath and step back into the shadows.  
  
  
  
  
  
Christian, I do love you. I'll love you until the end of time. Come what may, I will…  
  
I stare off into space as Marie fixes my hair and her helper, Elizabeth, lays out my dress. The room was silent, thank you God. I didn't want to talk, didn't want to think, didn't want time to continue ticking. I can't do it. I can't sleep with the Duke… again.  
  
I felt a tear start to form in my eye as I glanced at the mirror. I turned away, hating what stared back at me. If only it showed back what I was inside – scared, small, weak. No one would want me then, if I wore my ugliness on my sleeve for all the world to see.  
  
I see the most beautiful face in front of my eyes and I weakly smile. "Come… what… may…" I sing under my breath, holding true to my promise forever.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She had gone to the tower to save us all. And for our part… we could do nothing but wait.  
  
Toulouse offered me a drink, but I shook my head. I couldn't accept it. I couldn't make my problems disappear that easily. Satine…  
  
Nini straddled her legs over my lap and roughly took my head between her hands. "Don't worry Shakespeare," she teased. I glared at her. "You'll get your ending, once the Duke gets HIS end… in."  
  
I pushed her off me with all the strength I had. She fell to the floor, and then sprung up, pouncing at me. But the Argentinean grabbed her arms.  
  
"You keep yer hands off me," she yelled at me, but like I care what she has to say to me.  
  
The Argentinean kissed her shoulders and I wondered how he could keep a straight face doing that. He stepped in front of her, coming to me. "Never fall in love with a woman who sells herself," he said softly, but his face showed no kindness. What did he know about love? Nothing. "It always ends BAD!" he roared.  
  
I looked away. I know our love is forbidden, but he makes it sound like an obsession, an infatuation, nothing. How wrong they all are.  
  
"We have a dance," the Argentinean says, going down the stairs to the ballroom. "In the brothels of Buenos Aries." His shoes made a loud clicking on the hardwood floor. "It tells the story of a prostitute."  
  
He raised his hands to Nini, and around the room the dancers whooped and hollered. I glared at the Argentinean, wondering what he was getting at. Nini cackled as she went down the stairs and struck a pose.  
  
"And a man, who falls in love…" he continues, "…with her."  
  
With a loud note on a violin, they started to dance, circling each other.  
  
"First there is desire," the Argentinean said, his hands on Nini's waist and cheek.  
  
"Then… passion!" His hands slid down her legs as she reached her hand to a male dancer. The Argentinean grabbed her hand and yelled, "Then… suspicion! Jealousy!" He took her hands and pushed her back. "When love is for the highest bidder, there is no trust. Without trust, there is no love. Jealousy!" He threw Nini aside and she fell into the male dancer's arms. "Yes, the jealousy will drive you… MAD!"  
  
"Roxanne!" he sang, Nini dancing with her dancer. "You don't have to put on that red light. Walk the streets for money. You don't care if it's wrong or if it is right." Nini left her dancer to be with the others. "Roxanne! You don't have to wear that dress tonight. Roxanne, you don't have to sell your body to the night."  
  
I turned away. I can't stand this. All this pain, all this anger… "His eyes upon your face. His hand upon your hand. His lips caress your skin. It's more than I can stand!" I sing out loud, pushing my fists into my coat pocket and heading for the door. Maybe some fresh air will clear my head.  
  
"Roxanne!" the Argentinean sings out.  
  
"Why does my heart cry?" I sing, wondering to myself as I walked past the other dancers doing the tango toward the stairs. "Feelings I can't fight. You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me and please, believe me when I say I love you!"  
  
I walk into the street, my shoes in the freshly fallen snow. I look toward the sky, and I see the Gothic tower. And there she is, my beautiful Satine, standing next to the window with the Duke's head against her neck.  
  
Every ounce of me wanted to march up there and kill him. My arms tensed and I stood there, frozen, looking into her face.  
  
The wind blew softly and sang a message carried from her lips. "Come… what… may. I will love you, until my dying… day."  
  
I could have died from the pain of looking away from her alone and somehow built up the strength of walking down the street.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
My footsteps slowed as I reached the top of the stairs. Oh God, I can't be there yet. I can't be. It's impossible!  
  
But my feet have no where else to go but through that curtain. I take a deep breath. Christian, it's for us. Our story will not end – not by him, not by anyone.  
  
I take another deep breath and push the curtain aside, holding my chin high. He stopped from pacing around the room, wearing a red velvet robe over his suit and a cup of wine in his hand.  
  
"My dear Duke," I breathed, taking off the veil from my eyes. "I hope I have not kept you waiting."  
  
He dragged a breath in, his lip quivering which made his moustache bounce. I knew he would like the dress, knew anyone with eyes would like the dress.  
  
"M-my dear, I have something I must talk with you about," he whispers.  
  
I wonder over toward the fireplace, knowing very well what he needed to talk about. I had practiced what I was going to say, and hated every word. "The boy has a ridiculous obsession with me. I mean, I indulge his fantasy because he's talented. We need him… but only until tomorrow night." I remove my glove, a simple action that bared more skin.  
  
"And… me?" he asks.  
  
Diamond runs her tongue across her teeth. "Why don't I show you after supper, my dear?" I cock my head and lean into him. I pull on his shirt collar and bring him closer to me and kiss him with my eyes open. I pull away and smile at him as he leads me to my chair, pulling it out and pushing it in as I sit. I whisper my thanks while he heads to the other end of the table, so far away from me. Thank you God!  
  
We go through supper, and I don't even know what I eat. I just stick my fork into whatever is on my plate and rise it to my lips, watching the Duke through my eyelashes. We talk about nothing in particular – we used to talk about the production, but I suppose that subject will have to come up later. When we're done with supper, the waiters carry away our plates.  
  
I try to keep my smile unwavering as the Duke rises from his chair and walks toward me. He comes up behind me and runs his arms across mine and I try not to shiver from the cold. He kisses my shoulder.  
  
"You know, when this production succeeds, you will no longer be a can-can dancer… but an actress," he says. Is it really my dream anymore that he's offering for me? "I will make you… a star."  
  
He takes my hand and I stand, and I see one of the waiters there with a box. He opens it and inside is a necklace with diamonds galore. Looping, crossing, dangling diamonds all draped over my neck.  
  
"Accept it as I gift from this maharaja to his courtesan."  
  
I don't care about the diamonds. Nothing he gives me makes me happy. But the story… "Oh, And-and the ending?"  
  
The Duke pauses for a bit and then says, "Let Zidler keep his fairy tail ending."  
  
My eyes close and I sigh. You hear that Christian? We WILL live on. I turn to the Duke, so happy, not even caring if it is the maharaja I'm with and not the sitar player and I kiss him softly, falling deeper and deeper in my act. No doubt he's totally convinced.  
  
I lead him over toward the window. "The view is beautiful, don't you think?"  
  
He growls low in his throat as he throws his arms around me. I'm almost taken off balance, holding onto the windowpane to keep from tumbling out the window. His lips trail down my arms, up to my neck, across my shoulders…  
  
I look down, staring at the snow and see… Christian… down there. Suddenly all my fears are gone and I sing quietly, "Come… what… may. I will love you, until my dying… day."  
  
I can feel his eyes staring into me, and then he looks away, continuing down the street. And I feel him, feel his warmth, feel his sorrow. "No," I whisper.  
  
"No?" the Duke asks, and I realize I had just said it out loud. I… I can't say anything. I can't fix it. I don't want to. I want to be with Christian, and not with you a second longer. The Duke glances out the window and sees Christian on the pavement. "Oh, I see. It's our very own penniless sitar player."  
  
I go away from the window, shaking from head to toe. I have to recover, have to fix this. "My dear D-"  
  
"Silence!" he roars, holding my wrists and pushing me to the floor. "You made me believe that you loved me."  
  
"No…" I whisper. His grip on my wrists is so tight I think my bones are going to pop.  
  
He drags me to my feet, his eyes fell of stern hatred. What is he going to do?  
  
I don't want to find out and I run, to the table, around the corner, but he cuts me off. I run to the side but I can't run in heels and he grabs he again, sprawling me to the floor. I'm frozen as he circles me. His hands touch my neck and I begin to cry. Please don't kill me… please don't kill me… He yanks off the necklace and throws it to the ground and stands me up again.  
  
His hands tear at my dress and it rips off my body, and I'm left with only my corset on. I cover my eyes with my hands as he kisses my shoulders roughly. I throw my head in the air. "No!" I scream.  
  
He throws me on the bed. No, no, please…  
  
And suddenly from the darkness there is a flash of light and the Duke falls to the floor. I look around, and slowly Chocolate steps out of the shadows. He helps me up and I fall into his arms, crying, so thankful.  
  
  
  
  
  
I stare at my wall, tapping my fingers on the wood, glancing at the tower, and back to my wall with a snap. No, don't think about it. It… will… be… all right.  
  
Damnit, what was I thinking. I close my eyes and rest my head on my fist. How can this ever be all right? She was with him… she was his.  
  
The door bursts open and there is Satine, in a black corset, her hair scattered everywhere, tears running down her cheeks. Damnit, what did that bastard do to you?  
  
She runs into my arms and I hold her cold body as close as I can to mine.  
  
She sniffs. "I couldn't. I couldn't go through with it." She lifts her head, her words so fast it's hard to understand. "I saw you there and I-I felt differently and I couldn't pretend." She threw my hands off of her. "And the Duke… he saw and he…" She put her hand to her eyes again, and I gathered her in my arms. "Christian I love you…" she cried.  
  
"It's ok," I whispered, not knowing what else to say.  
  
"I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to pretend anymore. I didn't want to lie I don't-" she lifted her head and touched my cheek, dragging in a breath. "And he knows. He knows and he saw you…"  
  
"That's all right," I assure her, an idea suddenly struck with an idea. "You don't have to pretend anymore. We're leave." She becomes quiet. "We'll leave tonight."  
  
"Leave?" she says under her breath. "Wh- The show? Wh-"  
  
I touch her cheeks, her face looking so cluelessly adorable. "I don't care. I don't care about the show. We have each other, that's all that matters."  
  
She nods, a smile coming over her tear-soaked face. "Yes, as long as we have each other."  
  
I smile and kiss her. Nothing mattered as much as she did. Scrap the play out the window, and what did you get? You're real love story played out in your heart forever with her by your side.  
  
I look toward the door and see Chocolate. Thank God he was there to save her. I walk toward him and shake his hand. "Chocolate, take Miss. Satine to her dressing room and get the tings she needs. No one must see you, do you understand?"  
  
He nods. "I understand."  
  
I go to Satine and give her my coat to put on. "Now darling, you go and pack, and I'll be waiting."  
  
She giggles as she slips the coat on and kisses me, so sweet. Our life will be so different from now on. No maharaja's, no Zidler; nothing but you and me, forever.  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: Ok… wow, that took a while to write. I hope you all liked it! I have about two more chapters planned out, so be waiting for them soon! And there will be a sequel (if I get around to writing it). Alright, but to stay with the present, um… I don't have anything else to write. I just hope you all really like it. I love you all!  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'Duvet' by Boa  
  
'Come What May' written by David Baerwald (thanks Isabella!)  
  
'El Tango de Roxanne' originally sung by Sting, but now it's the Argentinean and Christian swoon! 


	10. Nothing Will Ever Be The Same

Just outside my door, I paused and looked at Chocolate. He was there… always there for me, to defend me, to protect me. I would miss him. "Well Chocolate…"  
  
"Things aren't going to fun without you here, Satine," he said shyly.  
  
I smiled. "Thanks, Choc." I grabbed his hand. "You deserve so much better than this life here. Promise me… promise me that one day you'll fly away. Leave all this to yesterday."  
  
"I promise, Miss Satine."  
  
Hugging him one final time, I slipped into my dressing room. I threw off the coat, replacing it with a silk robe and began to throw my dresses out onto the bed from my spacious closet.  
  
Suddenly the door slammed shut and I whirled around, meeting the cloudy eyes of Harold. "Forgive the intrusion, cherub." He rested against the wall.  
  
I ignored him and went pack to packing. "You're wasting your time Harold," I said absently, stuffing my hair comes into a bag, humming while I did it, hoping to drown out his voice.  
  
"Stop it," he said in an annoyed tone. "You don't understand. The Duke is going to kill Christian."  
  
I stopped what I was doing again and looked at Harold through the mirror. His face was so serious, but it couldn't… it couldn't be the truth. "Oh," I whispered, wiping away tears that had streaked down my cheeks again, ruining my make up even more.  
  
"The Duke is insanely jealousy. Unless you do his ending and sleep with him tomorrow night, the Duke will have Christian killed."  
  
To…tomorrow night? He doesn't have the nerve to do it. "He can't scare us," I said calmly, looking away.  
  
"He's a powerful man, you know he can do it."  
  
I threw my robe off my shoulders in agitation.  
  
"What are you doing?" he snapped.  
  
After five years of hiding behind a smile, I wanted to be a child again, stamping her foot and screaming. "I don't need you anymore!" I shouted. "All my life you made me believe I was only worth what someone was willing to PAY for me!" I draped his coat over my shoulders and felt safe, immune to anything Harold might say to me. "But Christian loves me. He loves me Harold. He… LOVES me. And that is worth everything. Were going away from you, away from the Duke, away from the Moulin Rouge! Good bye Harold."  
  
I turned away from the door, determined to never to see him again.  
  
"You'll die, Satine," he called after me. "You'll die."  
  
I froze and leaned against the wall for support. I looked back at him. "What?" I whispered.  
  
"You think the world out there is kind to the poor?" Harold yelled, taking my arm and leading me back in my room before shutting the door. "How do you think they treat prostitutes? Women with bastard children?"  
  
My breath caught in my throat. I had almost forgotten that factor…  
  
"Christian can't support you – he can barely scrape by himself! You step out that door, you die. Only I can save you." I shook my head, not wanting to believe it. "I will give you a house, servants galore, and a nice sum of money a year. It's in your contract – article 7. You're entitled to those things if you get pregnant on the job." He made it sound like I was some animal, but then again I wasn't much better. I sold my love to men. "Take my offer, or die on the streets. Do you really think Christian will love until his dying day after things become difficult?"  
  
I closed my eyes as tears started to flow.  
  
"The world is not nearly as kind as I am," he said.  
  
"Marie?" I looked to my almost mother, but all she could do was shield her eyes from me.  
  
No! This was my life! Where is the happy ending? Where is the sunset, and the handsome prince to save me when I needed the most?  
  
And then I realized… this IS my life. It's colder and crueler than a thousand deaths.  
  
I glanced out the window for a second, trying to gather up courage, but when I opened my mouth only a sob suppressed. I shook my head, heading toward the window to get one final look at Christian's fantasy world. "I was a fool to believe. A fool… to believe. It all ends today, yes it all ends… today."  
  
I stopped halfway to the window and glanced at Marie. She rose from the floor and sat me in a chair, giving me her handkerchief.  
  
"Send Christian away," Zidler said, giving off a fake façade of kindness. "Only you can save him."  
  
Yes, this was the way it was supposed to be. People like me don't deserve a happy ending. "He'll fight for me," I said wearily.  
  
"Yes, unless he believes you don't love him."  
  
I stared at Harold for a long time. "What?" I knew what he meant, but my heart ached with the thought of telling Christian goodbye.  
  
"You're a great actress Satine, make him believe you don't love him."  
  
I started to cry. I couldn't. I can't! I shook my head. "No."  
  
"Use your talent to save him," he said sternly. "Hurt him. Hurt him to save him. There is no other way. The show must go on, Satine. We're creatures of the underworld. We can't afford to love."  
  
I turned away from them and looked out the window. 'He's right', I realized, a tear falling onto my hand. "Today's a day, when dreaming… ends…"  
  
  
  
  
  
I waited by the window – I had been there all morning. 'We'll leave.' My words still echoed through my mind, a smile on my face every echo. We were leaving. We were flying away. I will make her… my wife.  
  
I giggled as I turned away from the window and into the bathroom to wash my face. I was so happy, I thought my heart would burst. This is the happy ending I had been praying for, and it's finally going to come true.  
  
I jumped onto my bed. "Holy smokes, who'd have guessed? She picked me out from all the rest," I sing, grabbing Satine's pillow and dancing with it across the bed. "I must me in love, I feel like a hero. Just won the game a hundred to zero! Is it a fluke? Is it a crush? The things that I'm thinking can make a kid blush. I can't be… but I must be… in love!"  
  
I twirled around the room, throwing the pillow in the air and catching it. I hugged the pillow to me, taking in her heavenly scent. "I hope you don't mind," I whispered. "I hope you don't mind that I put down in words… How wonderful life is while you're in the world." This is the first day for the rest of my life.  
  
I returned to the window, wondering when she'd show so we could leave. "Come what may… I will love you until my dying day."  
  
  
  
  
  
Inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be flaking. But my smile still stays on.  
  
"The show must go on," Zidler told me as I was about to leave.  
  
I looked down, gathering up all my courage, and swallowed the lump in my throat. With the help of Diamond, I pulled my face into the day-to-day unemotional mask and walked slowly out of the club.  
  
My hands gripped the gate until my knuckles turned white.  
  
"Can't change this feeling," I hear myself sing, "I'm way out of touch, can't change this meaning, it means too much. Never been so lonely… never felt so good. Can't be the only one misunderstood, I remind myself of somebody else."  
  
What could I ever give him? I would only bring him down over the years, bring him grief. Yes, it's better this way… I closed my eyes, refusing to let myself cry. "Feeling like I'm chasing, like I'm facing myself alone."  
  
Diamond was mocking me, telling me I was stupid to have gotten myself between life and business. "I've got somebody else's thoughts in my head, I want some of my own. Can you see me up here, would you bring me back down? Cause I've been living to see my fears as they fall to the ground. I remind myself of somebody else. Am I hiding behind my doubts? Are they hiding behind me closer to finding out it doesn't mean anything? I remind myself of somebody else now."  
  
I take a deep breath and look up, toward 'L'amour Fou'. Crazy love… didn't that just fit us perfectly, darling?  
  
I shake my head. No, he's not mine. He never was. He never should have tried to warm my heart. But still, I can't help but stumble out of the club, tears bordering on my eyes and my hand covering my mouth. "Nothing will ever be the same…"  
  
  
  
  
  
I looked back at the window, searching for her, but I still didn't here her. I smiled again as the echo took flight and bounced across the room. "Nothing will ever be the same…" I found myself saying.  
  
The door suddenly flings open. I jump, and turn to see who my visitor, and with happiness I see its Satine. But… she doesn't have her bags packed. Her face, covered in netting from her hat, is so somber, and her tears from last night are still visibly there.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked.  
  
She looked at me a second, and then breathes, "I'm staying with the Duke."  
  
I tried to catch my breath as I felt my limbs become heavy. Did… did I hear right? No, no way. "What?"  
  
"After I left you, the Duke came to see me and he offered me everything." She smiled weakly. "Everything I've ever dreamed of. He has one condition. I must never see you again." She paused and turned to leave. "I'm sorry."  
  
"What are you talking about?" I demanded, coming to her, needing to touch her to see if this was real and not a dream.  
  
"You knew who I was," she said, moving away from me.  
  
"What are you saying? What about last night? What we said?"  
  
"I don't expect you to understand. The difference between you and I is that you can leave anytime you choose. But this is my home. The Moulin Rouge… is my home."  
  
"No, there must be something else. This-this can't be real."  
  
She turns her head and for the slightest second I hear her sob. I reach out to touch her arm, but she recoils.  
  
"There's something the matter. Tell me what it is. Tell me the truth." She shakes her head and starts for the door, but I cut her off, holding onto her shoulders. "Tell me the truth, tell me the truth!"  
  
Satine pushes away from me and leans against the doorframe. She bends her head, and then raises her eyes level to mine and takes a deep breath. "The truth?" she says, her voice like the first time I met her. "The truth is… I am the Hindu courtesan. And I choose the Maharaja." She raised her chin. "That's how the story really ends."  
  
I watched her turn and leave through a watery haze.  
  
I was so lost; I didn't know where I was.  
  
Who was I?  
  
I felt that lump in my throat return stronger than anything before and the tears flowed as I closed the door.  
  
I turned away and walked out toward the window. I remember… looking out the window. Waiting…  
  
I step out onto the porch and I look to the sky, my chin quavering. I stared up at the dark, rolling, thundering sky, immobilized.  
  
  
  
  
  
I ran out of Christian's building, ripping off my hat and throwing it in the streets. My hand flew over my mouth as I froze in my spot. Oh God, I had done it. I had done it…  
  
I felt a sob escape my throat, but I shook my head, refusing to give into it. It was… for the best.  
  
I pulled myself erect and walked inside the gate of the Moulin Rouge, slamming it shut behind me. I stared at the lock for a second, and then further out to Christian's building. I gripped the gate and rested my head against the bars.  
  
I had done it… I had done it…  
  
The weather took sympathy with me and wept along with me, drenching my clothes, mixing with my tears and running down my face.  
  
"How long have I been in this storm? So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form. The waters getting harder to tread with these waves crashing over my head. If I could just see you, everything would be all right." I turn my head away, holding truth to the words. He would always make everything all right. "If I could see you the darkness would turn to light, and I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall, and I will get lost into your eyes, and everything will be alright, and everything will be alright."  
  
If only he was here now… If only I wasn't doomed to be a sinful whore forever. "Barely surviving has become my purpose, 'cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface." I back away from the gate, staring up at the stars. "If I could just see you, everything will be alright. If I could see you the darkness would turn to light, and I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall, and I will get lost into your eyes, and everything will be all right. And everything will be all right…"  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: YES!!!!! I AM ON THE FAVORITE'S LIST OF ONE PERSON!!!!! I am so happy!!!!! OoOoOoOo… ok, but anyway, I hope you like it. And I suppose I lied to you all (I am so sorry!!) there will probably be two more chapters left.  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'A Fool To Believe' by ??  
  
'I Must Be In Love' from 'Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up?' (It's the musical our school is doing)  
  
'Your Song' by Elton Johnny  
  
'Somebody Else's Song' by Lifehouse  
  
'Storm' by Lifehouse (a very good, but sad song) 


	11. Choosing The Maharaja

I screamed as Zidler sprang out from behind one of the legs of the elephant.  
  
"What do you think you're doing to me?!" I demanded, leaning against one of the legs for support. I had no doubt in my mind that I looked a mess with my black mascara running down my cheeks and my hair soaked from the still continuously pouring rain.  
  
"Did you…?"  
  
I sniffed, trying to hold my emotions back, but the tears fell down again, hidden in the darkness. I nod silently.  
  
He grins his big grin. "Good to hear. Chickpea, what's wrong with you? Are you crying?"  
  
I tried my best to laugh, but I'm afraid it came out more as a sob. "Oh course not, Harold. It's the rain," I whispered, turning away from him. "It's just the rain."  
  
After being with him for so long, did he truly not know me at all? Satine is… dead. The Sparkling Diamond is the only thing left in this beautiful body.  
  
I love him… how can you not understand that?  
  
I can't stand another minute of being with Harold. "Goodbye."  
  
I turn the knob on the door up to the red room, but Harold grabs me by the shoulders. "My little strawberry, I'm afraid it's not that easy," Harold said slowly.  
  
"Wh-what do you mean?" I asked.  
  
"The Duke…" My chest tightens at the mention of his name. I drag a sharp breath in, biting my nails to not let the tears continue. "Ending things with Christian was certainly the wise thing to do, but there is still the small matter of our patron…"  
  
I turned away. I'm so tired. Let him hurt me, God. Give this body to him, he cares nothing else. It doesn't matter… nothing matters…  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"An apology would be good to start with, for one," he said bitterly. "You never once said you were sorry for putting all of us in danger with your little fling."  
  
A… fling?!  
  
"The poor duke is being treated appallingly," he continued. "One minute you say you love him, and then you betray him."  
  
Am I hearing this right?! "Harold, isn't it my job to pretend? To sell my love?" I spat. "To sell MYSELF?"  
  
"What you did wasn't your job," he yelled, pointing a finger in front of my eyes. "It was for your own sick, twisted scheme to ruin me!"  
  
"Ruin you?" I laughed. "Harold, you're a creature of the underworld, you were ruined when you stepped your foot in this hell."  
  
"This hell keeps you alive, pays the bills…"  
  
"Gets me pregnant," I whispered.  
  
Harold grips my shoulder. "You remember my promise?" he asked. I nodded. "Tonight, it will happen. But you have to… tie up loose ends before."  
  
I looked away from him, shaking. It was cold, but I hardly noticed that much – I was afraid. Tomorrow was always a new day – always wondering what would happen to you, what face you would have to wear, what man you would be in love with.  
  
After years of it, I hated it, but it was something I grew used to. Without the Rouge walls … would the rest of the world accept a fallen devil? The hell you knew was better than the hell you didn't know.  
  
"I'll go to him," I whispered. "Where is he?"  
  
"The Gothic Tower," he said. "Just be glad I was able to get him here, or we both would be suffering."  
  
'We're not already?' my mind whispers, but I nod silently to him, heading toward the tower. I rubbed my shoulders as I walked along the way. The rain fit perfectly with my heart, weeping with tears.  
  
Soon, all this will end. It will… end.  
  
"If I should die this very moment, I wouldn't fear. For I've never known completeness like being here. Wrapped in the warmth of you, loving… every breath of you. Why live from dream to dream? And dread the day, when dreaming… ends."  
  
I climbed the stairs up to the tower slowly, not caring how long it took be to get up there – not caring if I got there at all. But the painting at the top of the stairs appeared in view and I pushed the curtain back.  
  
"Duke…" I whisper, seeing him by the window.  
  
He nods slightly. "What is it?"  
  
"My dear… Can you ever forgive me for last night's behavior?" I cough out the words, none of it true. But Diamond has taken over every feeling, every emotion. It's like I'm just watching from a distance. "I was terrible to you. I have been working very hard at this play, and I simply was mistaken. The courtesan… does choose the maharaja."  
  
I go to him, slipping my hands into his pockets. He gasps in a bit and I do my best to smile affectionately.  
  
"I knew you'd see it my way," he whispered, leaning down.  
  
I roll my eyes and press my lips against his. These lips… so dry, so cold. These kisses… so meaningless.  
  
I hate you.  
  
But the Diamond in me keeps my hatred at bay.  
  
"Tonight's the big night. We've all been waiting for this," I say, looking away for a brief second toward the Elephant. Our first kiss… the first real kiss I had ever had, the first feeling of love I had ever known. "How… how should the ending go?"  
  
"Why don't we make it a true story?" he says without a moment's thought. "The courtesan really does love the maharaja."  
  
I stare into his rodent-like face. Can it really be that he is so dense? 'I don't love you!' I wanted to scream, but no words escaped my mouth. Christian… Christian, the penniless sitar player… the courtesan will always choose the sitar player.  
  
"Yes, she does," I lie quietly. "I… I better… go and get ready for tonight…" I turn from him and walk out of the room.  
  
On the other side of the curtain, I rest my head on the wall and sigh. Why was air so hard to take in?  
  
The duke's laugh fills my ears and I wince. "She is mine…"  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: Alright then, I'm just simply not telling you how many more chapters there are. But it's almost over. A few left… oh drat, I'm not supposed to do that. Darn.  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'Goreki' by Lamb. Thanks karadarlin 


	12. Tonight...

"Satine!" I yelled with all my being. "Satine!"  
  
No, this is not how it ends. There's something. There's SOMETHING. You don't just fall in love, give your heart away, and say you never meant it.  
  
I collapse onto the rain-slick steps of the Rouge and bury my head in my hands. "Come… what… may…" I sing quietly. It was all that kept me going some days, those three simple words.  
  
There's something the matter. She thinks she can't tell me, but she CAN.  
  
"Satine…" I lift my head toward the windmill, and I wonder how it can still be turning. I look around me at the people I never saw a few moments ago and wonder how can they be living. How can time go on when my heart is frozen, on fire, not with me anymore.  
  
I slowly rise from the stairs are go toward the door, but the duke's henchman, Warner, is standing there.  
  
"Move," I whisper, walking straight into him.  
  
Warner crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the door into the club. "Boss said not to let you come into here anymore."  
  
I shake my head. "No… move."  
  
He slowly shakes his head. "No. Move!" he roars.  
  
If I was only a few inches taller, had a few pounds more muscle, and maybe shaved my head I could be able to take him. So instead of using my fists, I use my words. "I have to… I have to talk to her."  
  
"Boss said…"  
  
"I don't give a damn!" I yell, punching the wall. "Get the hell out of the way."  
  
Warner slides his tongue to poke his cheek and makes a smacking noise.  
  
"Didn't you hear me?! Get the fu-"  
  
His fist flies into my jaw and I fall back to the door, gripping the doorknob to help from not falling down, but it twists and I spill out of the Rouge.  
  
I take a deep breath, the pain throbbing, and suddenly a foot is on my leg, and the next moment I realize I'm lying on the rain soaked ground.  
  
My whole body hurts, but most of all the space in my chest where my living heart used to be. Damn it all…  
  
"Satine," I whisper, lying my head on the ground.  
  
Lord, let me wake up. Let this be all a dream – a nightmare.  
  
The rain is so cold…  
  
Lord, let me die. Let it all end.  
  
Satine… Come what may? What happened to the promise?  
  
  
  
  
  
I was just putting my make up on in my room in the Elephant when-  
  
"Satine! Satine!"  
  
I dropped my box of powder and my hand flew to my mouth, the tears that I had thought were dried up flowing freely again.  
  
"Christian… please don't," I whisper to him, hoping he could somehow hear me. "Just go… please. He'll kill you if you stay…"  
  
I walk to the heart-shaped window, and I see the sitar player… my sitar player… being dragged down the steps and thrown in the streets. Carriages and people go past, not even looking at him.  
  
"Christian… just leave. Please… just leave." I look toward the sky, still pouring with the steady rhythm of my heart. "Please God… keep him safe."  
  
I stare after Christian, my last look of him. After tonight, everything will change. I will…  
  
Die. Tonight.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: Man, I'm just shooting this stuff out… Ok, I'm just making this stuff short now. I will get to the real deal soon! You'll have to tune in later to find out… dun dun dun… what happens next on 'Come What May?' Hey, and vote for MR at the MTV movie awards! For Best Female Performance, Musical Sequence, and Best Kiss http://www.mtv.com/onair/movieawards/ma02/vote/bestfemale.jhtml. I'm so pissed Ewan was not nominated for Best Actor! I think he did SOOOO much better than everyone else nominated for best actor!  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
I just mentioned Come What May. Everyone MR fan knows it and it's written by David Baerwald 


	13. The Curtain Falls

What had possessed me to come tonight… I don't know. Her words, her face, her touch was bouncing off the walls in my head, driving me to madness.  
  
Jealously… yes, jealousy will drive you mad.  
  
I wanted her… to feel sorry. To feel this pain. I checked my pocket to see if the money was in there, but my fingers touched the velvet box. Slowly, I dragged it out of my dark pocket and held it out in front of me.  
  
"It could have been us…" I whisper, shoving it back in the pocket.  
  
I want her to cry, to have her heart ripped out. I want… her.  
  
My hands cover my face and I sigh deeply. I want… to not be in love with her.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ten minutes!" someone yells backstage.  
  
I sigh, looking into my mirror and dabbing away my tears with a handkerchief. This play… it means nothing. Would the ending really be mine?  
  
Even after all his hard work, Christian wasn't aloud to come and see his own production. Christian… where are you now?  
  
"I know someday I'll look back on all this, on how we said a final goodbye. And I'll think of all the moments we'll never know. Well I hope that he knows that I had to. Although it's hard to say what is sad to…"  
  
"Satine…" Marie's head pops in from the door. "Are you ready? They're waiting for you."  
  
I looked back toward the window and pushed my flowing hair back. The Hindi Sad Diamond costume was the best costume I had ever had… no corset. But at least in those I could suffer. Violet pants – the first time I had ever was aloud to wear pants – and a small shirt, held together by mesh screening toward my stomach. I felt like a mess, had thrown up several times that day – from grief or the child growing inside me, I wasn't sure. I turned toward Marie and smiled. "I'm ready."  
  
Marie smiled and took my hand, leading me through the mess of people backstage and taking me down stairs, where I would go up from the floor in my entrance.  
  
"Break a leg," she whispered, patting me on the butt and turning away. It was always a tradition to do that.  
  
A stagehand extended a palm to me and helped me up on the shiny platform. He smiled, and then left me alone in the darkness. No one had to be down here, I could hear my cue with the music to get ready. Already I heard the audience through the floorboards.  
  
I sighed and sat down, legs crossed. It was the first time since I had done that… without a strangling corset wrapped around my body.  
  
This is… it. I'll never see another Montmatre sun as Satine. I will… die, tonight, after the curtain falls. I smiled briefly, the only thing I had been looking for since this morning. I was going to die. Everything would be all right.  
  
"It all ends today," I whispered, tracing a heart in the air. "Yes it all ends… today."  
  
But Christian… I would miss him. I couldn't see him anymore after this. No, dead people can't visit the living. I just hope he'll understand that I had to. It's the only way.  
  
  
  
  
  
The play was in full swing. Everything was going to plan. Hidden under the set, I mouthed the words of everyone in the play. And suddenly… Satine's voice, so soft and pure, echoed through the building. "I believe you were expecting me."  
  
"Yes… yes," I whispered in sync with the Argentinean.  
  
I sighed and pushed the hair out of my face. I want to leave, stay in my garret, and get drunk with the Green Fairy. SHE would never leave me for the maharaja.  
  
She would never love me as much, make me feel like I was as rich, as lucky.  
  
"Satine…"  
  
She laughs in the play and I turn away, plugging my ears. When I get my chance, I will go to her. Demand her to tell me it wasn't real. That she didn't love me. But somewhere in the back of my head, I wondered if it would make me feel any better if she told me it meant nothing?  
  
From further away I hear Toulouse murmur, "I know she still woves him. Thewe's got to be a weason…  
  
Toulouse… he always stayed true to his believes, unlike the Argentinean.  
  
"How about one is a Duke and the other-" The Argentinean's deep cuts off, and there is a rumble.  
  
Suddenly, in front of me is the Argentinean. I push up his slumped head, and lift his eyelids to find them crossed. He's… unconscious. An idea runs through my head and I take of my black jacket and take his.  
  
  
  
  
  
My hand rested over the mirror and I took in ragged breaths. It's so hard to breathe. The lights were so hot on my skin, and the Hindi wedding dress was so tight. I raised the back of my hand to my mouth and I began to cough, leaning on the vanity table for support.  
  
Suddenly, something in the mirror catches my eye and I turned around… to see Christian. I start to smile when I see him, but his blood-shot eyes remind me the pain I caused him and I keep my distance. "What are you doing here?" I ask.  
  
He forces an angry smile. "I've come to pay my bill."  
  
'Bill? You think you owe me for your love? Please, just understand' my mind is screaming to him. 'He'll kill you if you stay…'  
  
I straighten myself up and begin to walk out the door. 'You shouldn't bee here Christian. Just leave."  
  
I try to ignore the shadow I have now and I turn to other actors, to stagehands pleading for them to just take him away. To save him from the fate he'll have if he stays.  
  
I clutch the railing to go up to my spot, but he grabs my shoulder roughly and I can't move.  
  
"You made me believe you loved me, why shouldn't I pay you?" he spits out.  
  
I look away from his eyes. "Please, Christian…"  
  
People have gathered around us, trying to confine Christian, but he pushes them off. I run away from him as they grab his hands, but then he knocks them down and grabs my wrist.  
  
"You did your job so very, very well!" he screams. Tears are running down his face and I try to look away. He shakes my arms. "Why can't I pay you like everyone else does?"  
  
I shake my head. No, you don't understand. Please… from the corner of my eye I see something shining. A gun, held by Warner. He's… he's going to kill him… No, no he's not. Not before I go.  
  
I fling myself onto Christian, hoping to cover his body from Warner's aim. "Please Christian that's not why. Please… please just leave." I can't help the tears anymore and they flow freely.  
  
He shakes his head. "Tell me it wasn't real," he whispers.  
  
I look into his eyes, bordering with hate and anger. 'Nothing can ever make me stop being in love with you. No one on this earth is that powerful. But he will KILL you… "Please, go…"  
  
"Tell me it wasn't real," he repeats.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why can't I pay you?" he yells, gripping my hands tighter. Money forced into my hands. I push them away.  
  
There is confusion everywhere and I hear Harold's annoyed voice yell, "Open the doors!" That's my cue.  
  
Behind my back, I hear the click of a loading gun. The tears fall like the pouring rain.  
  
"Go," I mouth, my words gone from me, leaning close to him so he can hear me.  
  
"Let me pay! Let me pay!" His words shout through me, braking me. "Tell me it wasn't real! Tell me you don't love me!"  
  
I can't. I can't. Just leave! I can't say anything… my words, my air is gone.  
  
"Open the doors," Harold yells again.  
  
But all I can hear clearly is Christian. "Tell me you don't love me."  
  
He pushes me to the ground and he falls to his knees, still pushing the bills of money to me. "Tell me you don't love me!" he screams.  
  
The door opens in front of us, and I blankly look at the audience who are just as confused as I am.  
  
Everything is silent across the room, and then Harold forces a laugh. "Hahaha! I am not fooled, though he has shaved off his beard and adopt a disguise; my eyes do not lie! For it is he, the same penniless sitar player! Driven mad my jealousy." The audience nods and laughs.  
  
I take some nerve and look at Christian's swollen, tear streaked eyes. He grabs my hand roughly and throws me down the steps. I land in a pile and lay my head on the ground, wanting to wake from this dream.  
  
"This woman is yours now," he whispers, his voice full of pain. The bills of money showers over me. "I paid my whore!" The word makes me shiver. His voice quiets down, and he speaks to me alone. "I owe you nothing, and you are nothing to me. Thank you for curing me of my…" he sniffs in, his voice wavers, "ridiculous obsession with… love."  
  
He turns, and I lift my head, staring after him. "No…" I whisper, unable to do anything from stopping him. He pauses over the audience, glares at the Duke and throws off his coat and continues down the isle.  
  
No… this is not the way it's supposed to end. Come back!  
  
Harold gives me his hands and helps my shaking body up to my feet. "See, this sitar player… doesn't love you."  
  
"I know, Harold," I whisper.  
  
"Pumpkin, it's for the best," he says quietly back to me.  
  
I look into his eyes and shake my head. How can this be good? "No…"  
  
"You know it is. Don't forget my promise." He turns toward the audience and I can't help but stare after Christian, walking slumped over toward the exit. Out of my life.  
  
"And now my bride it is time to raise your voice to the heavens and say your wedding vows!"  
  
I tune his voice out and stare after my penniless poet. This can't be the way it ends.  
  
Something behind stage breaks, and a loud thump echoes.  
  
"THE GREATEST THING YOU'LL EVER LEARN IS JUST TO LOVE, AND BE LOVE LOVED IN RETURN!"  
  
I smile. Toulouse… he finally got his line right, after so long. He spoke the truth, the sitar player always did.  
  
His words filled me with hope and I looked again toward Christian. He was affected be the words, too. He's not moving, but I can imagine his face. Scared, lost, confused…  
  
My heart reaches out for him. "Never knew…" my voice is still returning to me, "I could feel like this. It's like I've never seen the sky before… want to vanish inside your kiss. Everyday I'm loving you more and more. Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings? Come back to me and forgive everything!" My lungs fill with air and a pain from my child stings. I lean down and take a deep breath. I can't stop. Not with him thinking I don't love him. "Season's may change, winter to spring." I straighten up and stare into his eyes, the anger rolling away. "I love you… till the end of time."  
  
Will he say anything back? Will it just end here? I wait in silence for what seems like days.  
  
  
  
  
  
I was angry at first. Toulouse's line that he could never remember came to haunt me. And then the song… our song. No matter how bad things get… we love one another.  
  
I take a deep breath in, the knot in my stomach slowly loosening. "Come what may." I glance at her face. She closes her eyes for a brief second and then looks up with a smile. Yes, she loves me. "Come what may… come what may. Come what may!" I begin to walk, to run, to get closer to her. "I will love you!"  
  
"I will love you!" she sings, a full smile on her lips. A real smile.  
  
"Until my dying…"  
  
She nods, "…Dying…"  
  
I go up the stairs and my arms reach out for her and she falls in my embrace. Our voices are loud and true. "…Day! Come what may!"  
  
She touches my cheek "Come what may!"  
  
I look into her eyes, brimming with tears. She loves me.  
  
"I will love you, until my dying…"  
  
A bright explosion erupts and we're lifted into the air. "Day!" we sing loudly, sinking into each other's arms. I press a kiss to her lips as the curtain falls.  
  
We did it… we did our ending.  
  
"Get ready for your curtain calls!" a man yells.  
  
I look into Satine's eyes, for some reason full of worry. She glances over toward Harold Zidler and nods, turning back to me. I smile and kiss her again, taking her hand and leading her to her spot.  
  
Her hand tear's out of mine and she gasps loudly.  
  
My eardrums almost rip at the sound and I whirl around, falling on the ground to catch Satine.  
  
"S-Satine?" I hold her in my arms on the ground as she coughs wildly. "Satine, what's the matter. Tell me – tell me what's the matter…" Something red appears on her lips and I touch my finger to it, raising it to my eyes. It's… it's… "Oh god… Somebody get some help!"  
  
Her eyes stare into me with regret "I'm… I'm so sorry Christian. I have to… I… I… I'm dying."  
  
I bite my lip, refusing to let the creeping cry to surface. I have to keep her calm. "Nonsense. You're… you're sick. Just be quiet now, you'll be all right, you'll be all right…"  
  
"I'm cold," she whispers, a tear falling down her face. "I'm so cold."  
  
What do I do? I… I don't' know what to do?  
  
"Hold me."  
  
I comply and rock her to me. "I love you."  
  
"I love you… so much. Christian… you've got to go on …"  
  
I shake my head. "You're gonna make it…" I stare at her face again, more red on her lips. A cough rattles through her body and my whole body shakes. "I can't go on without you," I whisper.  
  
"You're so… very talented." Her voice is getting weaker and I can feel her start to fade away inside my heart. "Tell our story Christian…"  
  
I shook my head. Please don't make me live without you. "No…"  
  
"Yes, promise me, promise me."  
  
"No…" I sob, holding her closer.  
  
"Yes, that way, I'll… I'll always be with you."  
  
I refuse to let myself close my eyes, to see her leave. I slowly nod and lean down to her lips, so cold. A kiss...our last one.  
  
I lift my head and see her blue eyes strained open.  
  
"S-Satine?" I ask, touching her pale cheeks. "Satine? D-don't leave me this way… P-Please, c-come back…"  
  
She didn't move, didn't breathe. I looked into her open eyes and pulled her close to me and sobbed with every thing I had.  
  
Outside, the audience continued their applause. Backstage, the lights dimmed and I held her numbly in my arms until someone pulled her body away from me, somewhere.  
  
And never would I see her again.  
  
  
  
  
  
Today's the day, when dreaming ended. I had killed one life, destroyed another. Who am I? I'm Satan's devil.  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: One more chapter left. I hope you're ready…  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'Friends, The best of (reprise)' from Do Black Patent Shoes Really Reflect Up (our school musical)  
  
'Come What May' written by David Baerwald (thanks Isabella!) 


	14. Finale

My eyes were swollen and red from lack of sleep and crying. During the nights, I'd wake from the most horrible dream imaginable, and stretch my arm out for her… only to find the nightmare was reality.  
  
Satine, the woman I loved is… dead. The woman, who was going to be my wife, the mother of my children is… dead.  
  
They all tried to cheer me up. Would make up jokes, weird little dances, wear the most ridiculous costumes they could find… but nothing would work. I turned away from them, shut my door, latched my windows and had only the Green Fairy to keep my going. I finally had my wish from behind that stage - alone in my garret, getting drunk.  
  
But no matter how many bitter swigs I had, nothing worsened the blow. The memories were still there when I opened my eyes. Satine, lying on rose petals with blood coming out of the corner of her lips…  
  
A week went by, and all my furniture was no more – smashed against the wall or thrown out the window. Nothing helped. Nothing brought her back. Nothing… would. I wanted to die along with her, but my promise… 'tell our story…' I couldn't go. She wouldn't let me.  
  
If I could only hold her one more time, see that smile, kiss her lips… but her casket was sealed close. The September morning was bitterly cold, and the wind blew everywhere. I shoved my hands into my pocket and bit my lip, refusing to cry. I glanced over to the coffin… and I felt her and I couldn't pretend. There she was, right through that cheap wood… a corpse.  
  
I turned away, running away to leave, needing air to breathe again, but Toulouse held onto my arm and I looked down into his face. He smiled slightly and patted my hand. "She would want you to be hewe, to say goodbye. Pwease, fow her…"  
  
I nodded, turning back around. For her, I would stay.  
  
I listened numbly to the priest's words, not believing any of it. He was 'so sorry for the loss of a great person.' He didn't even know her. Just like the rest of the holy men, he condemned her. Called her Satan's devil.  
  
"Now, Christian James would like to say a few words," the priest said.  
  
I looked into his gray, wrinkled face and nodded, stepping forward. I twirled a single red rose between my fingers.  
  
"To-to every life, there's always an end, but I close my eyes, and I still see your face; beautiful…" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, seeing her there behind the darkness of my lashes. I threw down the rose in my hand. "And I throw a rose as they now lower you down, but I still believe I'll see you again. I wait for the day that I can once more hold you tight. Until then, I can't cry this pain away. Until then, memories are all I have…" I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, not letting the tears bother me anymore. "How I long for one more kiss, just to hold you once again. As night skies arrive, the heartache begins. For in every dream, the image of you lingers still. So I walk alone, sleepless, guided by the moon. And when the day I'll eternally sleep comes, I'll never again let you go. And I'll pretend that I'm not about to cry, I'll pretend that these tears are only rain. As I lie awake at night, listening to this quiet rain, As I bow my head in prayer, my wish is that this burning emptiness inside would heal… I close my eyes, I turn around, and go on my way. With the dream that somewhere out there, love, you wait for me, too. I go my way, I journey on, now until forever, with the memory of our last kiss to keep me going. And… though I am alone again, I shed not a tear. How beautiful is my loneliness, how great is my pain…"  
  
I looked toward the hole in the ground that would be her home forever and blew a kiss. "Come what may…" people around me began to throw dirt over the coffin. "I will love you, until my dying day…"  
  
  
  
  
  
I wiped a tear from my eye – I always cried at how great he was. He was so wonderful, so kind. I would never forget him. "You will always be my first and true love," I whispered, hidden from behind a group of trees.  
  
I look down and move the blanket from my baby's face and kiss his dark hair. He looks up at me with his deep blue eyes, and says not a word. I lift his head toward the group of people and I point to Christian, standing alone.  
  
"You see him, Ewan? That's you daddy." I looked into Ewan's sparkling eyes and I whispered, "that's your daddy."  
  
At first I was scared, but after I saw his midnight hair and deep blue eyes, I knew he was mine… and his. But he can't know. He can never know.  
  
I grip the train ticket in my left hand. I love France, love everything about it, but I'm dead to the world. No can ever see me, or hear from me again.  
  
Harold, as a part of my contract, got me a house. We're going to move there, with Marie. She adopted me, and now me, my mother, and my son are moving to Germany. She's waiting for me at the station.  
  
From Paris, I hear a clock ring, almost reminding me. I sigh, holding Ewan closer to me. Christian would make a great father. We all would have been so happy together… but things rarely turn out the way you want them. I figured that out years ago.  
  
I stared after my love, studying his face. This was the last time I could see him ever again.  
  
"All the things I've believed in, I just want to get it over with. Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry, counting the days that pass me by. Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to." I smiled at him from far away, not letting the tears bother me. "I still get lost in your eyes, and it seems that I can't live a day without you. Closing my eyes, and you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light, but it's not right. "Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to…"  
  
I let out a sob and hugged my baby closer. "Goodbye…"  
  
Huddled together, we made our way to the train station.  
  
THE END.  
  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::  
  
Author's Note: Wow, I cried writing this… I'm so mad that they can't be together. Or… can they? Hehe, on a happier note a sequel will be following this soon.  
  
SONGS USED:  
  
'Beautiful Alone' (English Translations) by Weiss Kruez  
  
'Come What May' written by David Baerwald  
  
'Goodbye To You' by Michelle Branch 


	15. Author’s note

Ok, I know this ended crummy. But. GUESS WHAT?! There is to be a sequel! Yes, there is! Come Back To Me And Forgive Everything at http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=847110  
  
I hope it does not disappoint you!! 


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